


Untold

by shineefiction



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:48:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22314310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shineefiction/pseuds/shineefiction
Relationships: Kim Kibum | Key/Lee Jinki | Onew
Comments: 63
Kudos: 55





	1. Noticed

Lunch break was always so crazy.

Kibum rolls his eyes as the class stirs with energy when the bell rings. Where was all this when the teacher was baring his heart, telling them about the hardships of the war? The boys at the back who paid the least attention in class were, of course, the first ones out the door - the same boys who made it a point to make his life difficult. Day in and day out, Kibum handed them his assignments for them to copy off of even though it was against his principles. Making a fuss about it would always end up in him having a new bruise on some part of his body. By now, he had learned that it was better to just oblige. It irked him that he worked so hard just to have those boneheads have the same marks as him.

He takes his books and swings his backpack over his shoulder. The only thing he truly liked about school was the learning part of it all. Breaks seemed so dreary to him.

One of his tormenters came out of nowhere and pulled on his backpack, sending it crashing to the floor for no reason at all. 

"Oops," he mocked, as he and his moronic friends walked away laughing. 

"How original," Kibum mutters under his breath as he picked his things up. 

The young man takes a deep breath and attempts to steady himself by thinking about happy things, just like his grandmother had told him. Immediately, his thoughts go to his high school graduation... His acceptance letter to the University of Seoul... Finally being able to move away from this horrible place... And him. 

Kibum pats his temple in quick succession in an attempt to shake off the mental picture he had of that boy. Based on experience, if he didn't make an effort to keep him out of his mind, that guy could set up camp in Kibum's thoughts the whole day. If it were any other time, he would have gladly let it happen. But today was important. This afternoon, they would be taking their career aptitude test - the first step in their college preparations. He had to be focused on his future.

Walking into the cafeteria was like walking into a war zone. There were so many things happening all at once. All these noisy kids, acting like eating in the middle of the day was the best thing that happened to them. A group of boys to his left burst into laughter as he walked in. The boneheads. Amazingly, they were still cackling about that highly sophisticated move they had just played on Kibum.

The young man decides to ignore them and walk directly towards the table of the only reasonable people he has met in this entire school.

"I have chicken again," Taemin whines as he cutely stomps his feet in frustration on the cafeteria's linoleum floor. "I love my Eomma but doesn't she realize that I'm going to sprout feathers at this rate?"

"At least your Eomma cooks! Mine would rather sleep in than fix me anything. Cafeteria food isn't all that, either," Minho replied.

Kibum sighs as he listens to his two best friends complain about the most simple things. He takes his seat as he tries to create some peace for this situation. 

"Taemin, why don't you give your lunch to Minho and Minho, why don't you give Taemin your money so he can buy something for himself. That way, you both can eat what you want today."

The two light up at the idea and the younger immediately passes his lunch bag to Minho and holds out his hands. The older man obliges by handing over a few bills. In three seconds flat, Taemin was off to fall in line for his share of the generic school lunch.

"Thanks, Hyungs," he says with a huge smile on his face. 

Kibum opens his backpack and takes out his usual sandwich bags. Today, he has exactly five crackers and a small slice of cheese in one, and a couple of hard-boiled eggs in the other, as well as a lonely banana in a small paper bag. 

"That looks really sad," Minho says, eyeing Kibum's food with a look of pain. "When is your diet gonna be over? It's been so long that I feel like I'm suffering along with you."

The older shrugs his shoulders and starts to dig into his meager meal. "Until I'm not fat."

"How many times do we have to tell you that you aren't? You already lost a ton of weight, Kib. You shouldn't lose any more."

"What if you just mind your own food for once, and I'll mind mine."

Minho lets out a mischievous laugh as his attention shifts to Mrs. Lee's scrumptious home-cooked meal. He unwraps Taemin's carefully packed bento, cooing at the precious vegetables that were cut up to look like small animals. "Oh my goodness, a bunny! The carrot is a bunny! Look, Kibum!"

He looks over to find Kibum completely uninterested, his eyes carefully scanning the entire cafeteria. 

"Hello? Kibum? Carrot bunny wants to say hi."

The carrot bunny was cute, but it couldn't distract him from what had become his daily mission. The only reason he was even in this zoo-like room in the first place was to catch a glimpse of him. 

Because of Taemin and Minho's involvement in student government, Kibum was present in every campaign rally, every dance, every game... But the young man never saw him around. A couple of months ago, Kibum tried to come to school early and hang out at the benches out front just to see him come in. He had to give up after a couple of weeks. Another strategy he tried was to get out of class as quickly as he could at the end of the day so that he could maybe see him leaving. Again, he never did.

The only time that Kibum ever saw him was during lunch. He always bought the same thing: Four sandwiches, two juice packs and whatever they had for lunch that day. And it was always to take away. 

The mysterious guy never talked to anyone - not that anyone ever attempted to talk to him. He always had on massive headphones that were covered in tiny stickers, with his longish bangs covering half his face. Even Kibum had wanted to bump into him and catch his eye, the guy would never look up. He walked with his eyes glued to the floor and his hands in his pockets as if he was afraid to take up any space. The long-sleeved shirt of his uniform was always up to his knuckles. He was the only one to wear it the way it was supposed to. Even Minho, who had the power to hand out demerits if he wanted to, rolled his sleeves up during the day. This guy definitely stood out from the crowd. But at the same time, he seemed totally invisible.

As Kibum's eyes followed Taemin to the back of the line for food, he spots the person he wanted to see. He tried to ignore his heart skipping a beat when he finally did. Despite his expressionless face, you could tell that he was handsome. His plump lips protruded from his face even if he wasn't doing anything with them. His full eyebrows made him look that much more manly despite only being able to see one of them. 

"Hey, Ming," Kibum says, not taking his eyes off him. "Who's that guy?"

Minho looks in the direction of Kibum's gaze, his eyes wide and his cheeks filled with rice and fried chicken. "Mmm?"

"That guy with his head down. Do you know him?"

With a large gulp, Minho carefully talks while he chewed. "No. Who is that? I don't think I've seen him before. Maybe he's a new student?"

"No, he's not. I've seen him around a few times. If I didn't see him at lunch, I would have never known that he existed."

"That's weird," Minho says, preparing to take another big bite. "I feel like I should know everyone who goes here but he doesn't look familiar at all. You should ask Taemin. That nosy kid knows everything about everybody."

"Yeah," Kibum replies. "Yeah, maybe Taemin knows."

For some reason, he felt compelled to keep staring at this guy today. He wasn't doing anything significant - just mostly staring at his shoes with his head slightly bopping to his music. But, without warning, he looks up as if he senses something and slowly turns his head to stare back at Kibum. 

They lock eyes, and it was instant chemistry. Kibum felt his heart rate rise as he was finally able to see his face clearly. He was totally right. The guy was handsome... Too handsome. His strong jawline made him look much more manly than anyone else at this school, making the young man conclude that he was most probably a Senior. There was a deep sadness in his eyes that captured the Kibum's heart all the more. It wasn't a normal kind of sadness... It was more profound than anything he had seen before in anyone else like it was borne out of prolonged suffering. The young man was overwhelmed with the feeling of wanting to learn more about this guy. It felt like Kibum was able to read him so easily and see into his soul. He was definitely imagining things. He didn't even know this guy's name. 

Just then, Taemin finds his way back, carrying a tray filled with food. "Oh my gosh, they had french fries! FRENCH FRIES! My Eomma never lets me have any," he says, stuffing his face. "How could you say no to this Hyung?"

"Because of carrot bunny!" Minho exclaims, holding up the adorable vegetable and making it dance in the air. "Dumdadumdadum, I am filled with vitamins and minerals."

His two friends are laughing hysterically as they launch into creating some sort of bento box theater with their food, but Kibum could not be any more aloof. The mysterious guy reluctantly tears his eyes away as he reaches the front of the line. As expected, he took the same things: Four sandwiches, two juice boxes, and the day's lunch. And as always, he was ready to go in mere minutes. But before he leaves, he glances at Kibum one more time, who still had his eyes trained on him. 

Pieces of french fries suddenly smack him in the middle of his forehead from the other side of the table.

"What the hell?"

Taemin's eyes were open wide, trying to keep himself from laughing even harder. "Sorry, Hyung! It slipped from my hand!"

Sometimes these two make his patience wear thin, but they were really good people underneath all that schoolboy chaos. All he could do was shoot them a menacing look and they instantly cower, returning to simply eating their food instead of playing with it. 

By the time that Kibum looks back, he was gone. 

"Damn it," he mutters under his breath. He couldn't believe he got that close and just let his chance slip away.

*****

He could have sworn that the whole class cheered when the afternoon bell rang. It was so annoying how little these people thought of their education. Thank God it was Friday. Somehow, Kibum would find peace in the couple of days that he didn't have to spend with these morons. Everyone stirs as they all started to put their things away and head home.

Unfortunately, when Kibum looks up, he finds himself surrounded by the most annoying group to ever walk on this earth: The boneheads.

"Hello, Kibum," Yixing says, disrespectfully sitting atop his desk. His sarcasm made Kibum want to punch his lights out - as if he could. 

All five of them crowd around his desk, and he could tell that they were making mental notes of all the things they could make fun of him about later on. It was always unsettling to be looked at that way. Sometimes the young man would rather that they just punched him.

"What do you guys want?"

"Wow. Check your attitude, Kim. We only want to be friendly," he says, picking up Kibum's favorite pen and twirling it in his hand. "You know that paper that's due on Monday? Something about that stupid poem..."

"You mean the one by Edgar Allan Poe? Yeah, stupid," Kibum says, rolling his eyes and packing his bags. 

"Whatever. We have a little problem with that... We don't want to do it. So we're gonna need you to write it for us: me, Hoya, Woohyun, Sungyeol and Junmyeon."

"Five? You want me to turn in five papers on the same poem, including my own?"

"Thanks, Kibum. I knew we could count on you," Yixing says, winking at him creepily. "It would be a shame to see your pretty little face beat up again. Let's go, boys."

Kibum's hands start to shake as they slowly walk away, jeering. It was bad enough to be threatened by one person but to be threatened by five... He knew when to surrender. The young man exhales slowly, trying to calm himself down. It was over now. He was still safe. 

He looks up to see Woohyun standing there, lingering a little longer. Just as always, he had an apologetic look in his eye. Woohyun was the only one among them who seemed to have an actual human heart. "You don't have to do mine," he whispers as he follows the others. "I'm really sorry, Kibum."

As soon as they left the room, Kibum lays his arms across his desk and buries his head in them. Crying seemed like such a good option right now, but he knew that shedding even a single tear meant that they had gotten the better of him. He could never let that happen. The young man heaves a loud sigh as he closes his backpack and heads out the door. Smiling, he remembers that he was supposed to meet Taemin and Minho today to grab a bite to eat. The hangout couldn't have come at a better time. He needed all the positive energy he could get. 

The hallways were packed - usual for Fridays. Kibum had become an expert in drowning out the white noise and minding his own business. Someone walking alone in that crowded hallway as an unusual sight to see, but the young man preferred it that way. 

"Hey," someone says behind him. He was so zoned out that he didn't realize that it was his attention that someone was trying to catch. The young man feels someone yanking on his bag, and he readies himself for another passive-aggressive encounter. "Hey, you with the pink keychain on your backpack."

"Leave me alone, Yixing," Kibum says, completely exasperated. "I already said I'd do your paper for you. But I don't shit the things. You have to give me time to make it."

"You know, you shouldn't let people push you around like that."

He stops in his tracks when he realizes that he doesn't recognize this voice at all. All of a sudden, a wave of excitement comes over him. Could it be the one person he was hoping it to be? Kibum turns around slowly, trying to steady the racing of his beating heart. 

"Sorry," the mysterious guy says. His voice was low and soft - almost like a whisper. "If someone's bullying you, don't play into their hands like that. It won't do you any good."

For the first time in his life, Kibum was speechless. He couldn't believe that he was looking straight into the face of the guy he had been obsessing over. If he thought that he was handsome before, nothing could have prepared him for the way he looked up close. His features were the type that you could stare at for a long time and not grow tired - the perfect mixture of soft and manly. Kibum's throat almost immediately dries up, and his heart pounded so hard that he could have sworn that the sound of it was coming out of his ears. 

The mysterious guy seemed nervous as well. He was wringing his hands and fidgeting in place as if he was unsure about talking to anyone at all. 

"I just wanted to give you this," he says, giving Kibum a folded piece of paper. "It's dumb. But I wanted you to have it."

It was ripped from the pages of a notebook and seemed wrinkly from being in someone's pocket. The young man takes it and notices that the mysterious guy couldn't even look him in the eye. 

"Thanks," he manages to croak out - not knowing what else to say. 

Without another word, the guy turns around and walks away. He immediately puts his earphones on and walks like he usually does, with his head bowed down and his hands in his pockets. If Kibum didn't pay attention, he would have lost him in the crowd quickly. The young man thinks about calling out to him but he doesn't even know what words to use. 

His attention shifts to the only thing that made their encounter real: the piece of paper in his hands. From the outside, it looked like scrap paper covered with random pen markings. But he clasps his mouth when he reveals the treasure that was inside. He could hardly believe what he was looking at. It was the most beautiful hand-drawn portrait of himself that he had ever seen in his life. Somehow, the mysterious guy managed to capture him exactly, from the dimples on his cheeks, to the scar on his eyebrow.

"H-How..." 

With his eyes drifting down to the bottom of the page, he reads the name that he had been aching to know for all this time. 

"Lee Jinki."


	2. Beaten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW / violence, alcoholism, drug use

"That was dumb," Jinki tells himself repeatedly. "So dumb. Dumb."

As soon as he walked away from Kim Kibum, he regretted his actions immediately. Not even the loud music pulsing into his ears could drown out the shame that he felt. No one in their right mind would give someone a sketch that intimate to someone that you didn't even know. 

"DUMB," he says, through a clenched jaw. Now he had to accept that he ruined his chances with Kibum forever. 

He didn't even know that Kibum had noticed him - not until this afternoon. From the first time he laid eyes on him, there was something different that Jinki saw in the young man. He could remember it like it was yesterday: The school assembly from two years ago. Jinki always hated those things. To be fair, he always hated anything that had to do with crowds. But the day that Kibum's class walked into the Academy, the infamous loner was captivated by him. It was strange... The young man almost looked like he was too good for this place - like he didn't belong there at all. Watching him from then on, Jinki observed that he liked to keep to himself and mind his own business. But when you stand out as he does, that's impossible to do. 

The most intriguing part about him was he had no idea just how special he was.

Jinki must have filled up three notebooks by now, just drawing his face by memory over and over and over again. It was lovely to have his beautiful face to escape to when things got hard. Kibum had no idea how much a part of Jinki's life he was, even if they never said a single word to each other. 

But things were different now. Now, they had shared about ten words.

He sighs aloud as he enters the dingy gate to his father's house. These were the hours that he hated most in the day. 

"Appa?" He says, not hearing a response. "Appa, I'm home."

The routine they had established with one another was far from healthy. Every afternoon, when Jinki arrives, the first thing he does is check if his father is conscious. Sometimes, he is blacked out in front of the television - and those are the best days. All he has to do is to make sure that he was sleeping comfortably and go about his day. But God forbid if he was awake. 

"Jinki-ah!"

"Oh crap," he says to himself. "Here we go."

Opening the door of their ailing fridge, he grabs two bottles of beer and opens them with the bottle opener that doubles as a magnet. He hurries into the living room to give them to his father and does his best to not block his view of the television screen. Steering clear of that mishap, Jinki turns his attentions to cleaning up the mess his father made while he was in school. Today wasn't too much of a heavy day, judging by the number of bottles on the floor. Eight was a negligible amount for his Appa. Twelve was the point of blackout. Now that he was approaching ten bottles... This was dangerous territory.

Jinki was on edge, aware of his every movement. The slightest deviation might cause his father to go into a rage, and he was too tired to protect himself today. He wished for a miracle as his father gulps down one of the bottles he had just given him - his ninth for the day.

"What the fuck is that game show? Change the damn channel," he says, slurring his words. 

"Appa... I need to go to work tonight. I just wanted you to know," Jinki says, getting worried by his father's response. 

"Work?" he responds, sneering. "You've never worked a day in your life. You have no idea what it means to work. Work, my ass. You're just going to sneak out to sow your oats."

The young man keeps quiet, having learned not to talk back to his Appa when he was being this way. Talking back only made things worse. 

"You're a whore, just like your whore mother," he says, gulping down his tenth bottle. 

Jinki stands there awkwardly, knowing better than going before he was allowed to go. The words stung a little bit, but it wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. He watches his father stumble across the room to get to his pack of cigarettes, only to find out that they were empty. 

"I need more cigarettes. Go get me more," he says, sloppily waving his hand in the air. 

"A-Appa," Jinki says nervously. "I want to get you more, but I-I don't have any money yet..."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"That's why I need to go to work today, Appa... T-Today is payday," Jinki says. "I can get you some when I come home, no problem. I can get you more cigarettes and more beer."

"What did you do with my money," his father asks, taking a step closer.

"W-what money, Appa?" His voice was already shaking. There was no doubt about what was going to happen next. Jinki frantically looked around the living to find something to defend himself with.

"Where is my fucking money!" He roars. 

With extreme force, his father breaks the beer bottle on the coffee table, causing shards to fly across the room. He points the sharp edges of a broken bottle towards Jinki, looking like he was prepared to stab him with it. 

The young man was pretty much used to beatings. Punches, spankings, you name it and he had endured it. But this was the first time that he truly feared for his life at the hands of his father. He was completely terrified.

"Appa, p-please... We don't have much money anymore, r-remember? I didn't touch your money. Eomma took it all with her when sh-she left..." 

By some miracle, that did the trick. Jinki's father seemed to remember the devastating way that their family got broken into tiny pieces. It wasn't because of Jinki... It was because of that woman. 

"Right... That's right," he says, erupting in hysterical laughter. "That stupid whore! She stole my money! Your whore mother..."

As he was doubled-over laughing, Jinki took it upon himself to pry the beer bottle away from his hands. He gave it up almost immediately and stumbled across the room. The young man quickly lays the bottle on the floor and rolls it away from them as hard as he can. As he drew nearer to his Appa, the older man took him into his arms in a loving embrace. Jinki shuddered as he smelled the alcohol on his father's breath. 

"My son! My son is the only one who gives a shit about me," he says joyfully and with pride. 

"Yes, Appa... Of course," Jinki says. "Let's get you to the couch, okay? You need to rest."

With a loud plop, his father falls backward onto the living room couch and immediately forgetting about what happened. He laughs loudly as his eyes fall on the television screen. 

"I love this game show!" 

Jinki picks up the shards of glass as his father dozes off. As soon as he was done, he locked himself into his room. There was only one thing he knew to do to that would bring him some sort of solace. He takes his pen and draws Kibum once again. 

*****

It was a regular Friday night at his place of work. 

Since it also happened to be a payday, there was a long line of people waiting to get in when Jinki arrived. He was used to all the jeering when he nodded his head to his friend Shindong at the door and breezed through the crowds. 

Just as he thought, the place was filled to capacity. 

"Hey, little man," Yunho says, greeting him like he did every night. "You're a bit early today."

"Yeah, didn't want to hang around at home."

The older man's face falls and he shoots the kid a look of concern. "I hear you. It's good you came in. Deliveries are a lot today. See you at the back."

Jinki gives his Hyung a weak salute as Yunho gets back to serving the margaritas on the tray he was holding up. Staying there for a bit, the young man takes in tonight's atmosphere. No matter how long he worked in this place, he could never get used to it: the flashing lights, the loud and rowdy men and the scantily-clad women who worked the stage. 

Most guys his age would be delighted to work at a place like this. Not him. He loathed everything about this club. The smell, the smoke, the noise... Nothing about it appealed to him. He lucked out that he was able to use his strength carrying the nightly deliveries for the bar and the kitchen. Much of his time working was spent away from the spectacle of it all, and he preferred it that way.

Hiding behind his hoodie, he walks past the sleazy drunk men who were waving around chump change and into the back where he usually started his shift. 

"Changmin Hyung, my man," he says, as he exchanges a secret handshake with the tall and strong-looking guy guarding the backstage entrance. With that, he let Jinki through without a problem. 

He tried his best to avert his eyes as he walked past the women who had their bodies hanging out. He knew it was part of their job to be gawked at, but something about it bothered him deeply. As usual, he stops in front of the only white door in the entire building. It seemed stupid to knock when modesty isn't an issue, but he does so every night before he enters dressing room number two. 

"Jinki!" A chorus of ladies shouts various welcomes as he peeks his head into the door. 

The young man smiles weakly as he keeps his eyes to the floor and his hands in his pockets, terrified that he would do something to offend the ladies. Stopping at the third desk on the right, he opens his backpack, fishes out two sandwiches and two juice boxes, and takes a seat beside his Eomma. 

"Hi, Sweetheart," she says, as she tightly ties the belt of her robe. "Look your hair. Oh my. We need to get you to the barber."

"It's tuna for today, Eomma," Jinki says, opening a sandwich and a juice box for her. "You should eat now."

"You're such a doll," she says, wiping her nose. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Jinki opens his sandwich too, and mother and son share their customary dinner. 

"Eomma... I'm sorry to ask this, but could you help me buy some alcohol after work? Appa needs more."

"Honey, you know I don't have money to spare... I just paid rent for my place."

"I know, Eomma. It's okay. Today's payday, so I'll have the money. I just need someone old enough to buy it for me," he says, taking another bite out of his food. "You know how he can get when he runs out."

She slams her hand on the table, almost knocking over their juice boxes. "Your deadbeat father... I hate his guts for doing this to you."

Jinki looks down at his sandwich, choking back the words that he desperately wanted to say. It wasn't just his Appa that was hurting him... She was too.

"Don't worry about it, Eomma. I'm fine. Just worry about yourself, okay? You're getting too skinny again," Jinki says, caressing his mother's hollow cheek. "You need to eat more."

"Oh, bless you, sweet boy. You know that when you tell a woman that, that's a compliment, right? There's no such thing as being too skinny, especially not in my line of work."

He hated it when she got this thin. Her eyes were sunken and bloodshot, and her movements were jerky at best. The way that she kept touching her nose wasn't a good sign either. She was using again. He was sure of it. 

"Okay, Eomma," he says, trying to fake a smile even though his heart was breaking into a million pieces. "Forget I said anything. It doesn't even matter. You're beautiful either way."

"I love you, Jinki," she says, placing a sloppy kiss on his forehead. "My good boy."

"I have to go now, Eomma," he says, standing back up. "Finish your sandwich. I'll come by to pick you up after I'm done okay? So we can get the alcohol?"

"Yes, yes, of course," she says, struggling to keep her balance. "Have a good day at work!"

He secures his backpack on his shoulder and fixes his hoodie one more time before stepping out. "You too, Eomma."

A second chorus of goodbyes come from the other women in the room as Jinki leaves, carefully closing the door behind him. 

Today was a little bit too much for him to handle. The young man decides to pass by the bathroom before he starts his shift in the stock room. Luckily, the men's bathrooms in the back were pretty much deserted. It was his favorite place to go to get a few minutes of privacy.

He hurriedly gets into one of the stalls, locks it, and puts the seat cover down. The young man sits atop the toilet, bring his knees close to his chest, and rocks himself back and forth. Since he was a young boy, this move seemed to soothe him when he was feeling overwhelmed.

The tears just burst out of him like a broken dam. His body shakes as he finally allows all the repressed emotions to come out. It was hard to keep his voice down. The last thing he wanted was to draw any attention to himself. So he whispers desperately into the air, as if someone could even hear him. 

"Someone please help me... Please."


	3. Trapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw//physical abuse

Kibum comes home to an empty house today, as he usually does.

Days like today were a respite in his busy life. Spending time with his friends made him forget the harshness of life and brought warmth to his heart. Sometimes, he envied them. Seeing them laugh about such childish things made him wish he could do the same. Kibum wished that all he had to worry about was school work and activities. He wished that he could go back to believing that the world was that simple.

Putting his bag in its usual place by the door, he takes off his jacket and thinks about what he needs to do for the day: do the laundry, vacuum, and dust the common areas, cook dinner. Oh, and his father had been looking for the blue striped tie for days now. He had to get around to finding that.

He hated being called a latch-key kid. It had a negative ring to it, making it seem like he was some sort of victim of circumstance. The truth was, he didn’t mind being alone. He loved having time to himself. Being alone gave him some degree of freedom even if he was confined to the four walls of their house. He could eat whatever he wanted, watch whatever he wanted, spend time doing things that made him happy – as long as he finished his chores, of course.

It was just sad when there was a special day, like his birthday. Baking himself his own cake wasn’t all that fun, especially when he had to blow his candle out on his own. Or coming home to an empty house when he had found out that he was first in his class. It’s not that he was jealous of his classmates’ parents who doted on them frequently. He knew his parents well enough that it wasn’t in their personality to do that. And he respected their desire to provide a good life for him. He just wished that they would show him their love in different ways sometimes.

He heads into the kitchen to get himself some water when he stops at the sight before him.

He had forgotten that he didn’t hide it away yet – the tools that his father used to beat him last night. It a rare occurrence but when it happened, it was intense. Usually, Kibum knew how to protect himself from attacks like this, but last night he regrettably did not run away fast enough.

_“Have you no shame? What would other people say about you?”_

_The young man remains silent, as he endures each strike from his father’s open hand. It was hard not to call out or moan in pain, but he knew that reacting only made it worse. He started to taste copper from chewing the inside of his cheek – his preferred way of enduring._

_“Imagine the horror of your poor Eomma, finding that in the house.”_

_It didn’t make sense to him. How could they be this angry over a piece of literature? It was an innocent novel of a young man coming of age, just like he was. It just so happened that the main character was in love with another young man. It didn’t contain anything lewd or obscene. Just the simple fact that he was reading a book about a gay man was enough for them to come at him this way._

_Kibum watches in horror as his father picks up the one tool that he was hoping he wouldn’t think to use._

_“Appa…”_

_The thick wooden cutting board was so heavy that it took two hands to carry it. Suddenly, his father hoisted it into the air and hit Kibum at full speed in his chest. He turned his body as swiftly as he could, but he was still hit squarely on his shoulder and his back. It was hard to describe the pain. The wind had literally been knocked out of him, and he couldn’t understand why it felt so much like drowning._

_“No son of mine, Kim Kibum,” he bellows with each hit. “No son of mine will ever grow up to bring this kind of shame to the family name!”_

_The young man reaches for the chair closest to him, grasping anything that would remind him that he was still alive. Searing pain was starting to spread through his back. One more hit and he was certainly going to blackout._

_Thankfully, his mother intervened this time._

_“Stop. He’s learned his lesson,” she says, with fear in her eyes. “Kibum, tell us that you’ve learned your lesson and you will never do something like this again.”_

_“I-I have,” he says, his voice cracking from the pain. “I’ll throw the book away. I won’t read anything like that again.”_

_She held him in her arms as his father stood over them, seemingly appeased by this response. He drops the heavy object onto the floor with a crash as he walks out of the room._

_“Get up,” his mother says, in an almost detached sort of way. “Go to your room and stay there for the rest of the night. I might not be able to hold off your Appa for a second time.”_

_They get up off the floor, with a stern warning from the one person he thought was on his side. The words that came out of her mouth were almost more painful than the beating he just received. “Remember the pain you’re feeling now. Being gay is not an option. Do you understand?”_

_It was so difficult to keep his tears from falling right then and there. “Yes, Eomma.”_

Taking the cutting board off the floor, he gingerly places it back in its rightful place on the kitchen counter. He pats his shoulder gently, feeling the fresh bruise that quickly formed on his sensitive skin. He loved his parents, he really did. Sometimes it was just hard to think that someone he loved this much could hurt him this badly.

They were always afraid for him to be different.

He was never the typical child growing up. When all the boys around him were asking for guns and robots, all Kibum ever wanted to play with were puzzles and coloring books. He would rather stay inside and read than run around the neighborhood with the boys his age. And it frustrated his father.

His Appa tried so hard to push him into sports and Kibum, being the loving son that he was, humored him for a while even if he was miserable doing it. But after the fifth consecutive basketball game where the young man was sidelined, it was pretty clear that athletics wasn’t his strong suit. Their relationship was never the same. Young Kibum tried his best to give his father something else to be proud of. He had always come back with exceptional marks and was even transferred to the honors class, but it was never enough to prove his worth.

When he was a child, he got scolded for the most mundane things, like crying at a sad movie, or dancing along to a popular song. He was taught to go against his instincts in choosing clothes and toys. Pink was never for boys, so were dolls. It didn’t take long for Kibum to figure out that his parents were so scared of having a gay son. And he couldn’t understand why. Who he was attracted to didn’t make a difference in any other area of his life. He was the same person, with the same love for them. But why did this one area make him disgusting in their eyes?

He didn’t have to heart to tell them that their doubt about him was actually the truth. There was absolutely no way that his parents could know. It would crush them.

The cool water running down his throat helps to ground him back into reality.

He was fine now. He was safe. And there was one thing that happened that could help him forget about all the bad things.

Lee Jinki.

After all this time, it felt weird to know his name.

Kibum finds his way back to his bag and pulls out the piece of paper that Jinki had given him at the end of the day. As if he needed anything more to admire the guy, it turns out that he’s incredibly talented. He had never seen a more realistic drawing than this, even when it was only done on notebook paper and with an average ballpoint pen.

As he stared at it more, it scared him how deeply the artist must have seen into him. Kibum recognizes the look in his eyes. It was the same look that stared back at him every day in the mirror: the heartbreaking mixture of sadness and hope.

He takes the picture, now one of his most treasured possessions, and puts it in between the pages of his journal.

It was overwhelming to have someone actually see him and not turn away.

He wondered how Jinki even noticed him. Thinking back to all those times that he tried to catch a glimpse of him, was the elder already looking closely at him? Kibum waves his hand in the air, brushing the thought out of his mind. Of course not. It was silly to even think that. But then… The picture.

The fluttering in his heart started small until it took over his entire body. He couldn’t believe that the person he admired knew he was alive.

Maybe things aren’t as bad as they seem.

*****

Dinner always made him feel horrible.

His father always insisted that they eat together. It was the only time in the day they could get together as a family, he always says. It didn’t make sense, because even if they were eating together, they often did it in total silence. It was torture on all fronts.

Even if he spent so much care in making a good meal for his family, Kibum never wanted to actually eat anything he made. Having food made him feel guilty. On top of being gay and an over-all disappointment, he couldn’t be fat, too. Kibum fidgets on his seat as his mother eyes his plate. He didn’t have a choice but to bring the forkful of pasta to his mouth. He could feel the calories piling on already.

“How are your applications going, Kibum?”

You could always count on his Eomma to try to carry on conversations over dinner. He didn’t know if it was more awkward to eat in silence or pretend like everything was alright after last night’s drama.

“Fine, Eomma,” he says, taking another bite of the pasta. “I met with the guidance counselor the other day and he reminded me of the grades I had to hit to qualify for certain scholarships.”

“There’s only one you need to worry about,” his father says, proudly. “And as long as you maintain your standing, Jinho Hyung says that you don’t have anything to worry about. Admission is guaranteed.”

Kibum takes a deep breath and thinks deeply. If he does what is being asked of him, he would maybe finally get the approval that he has been yearning for. But that meant giving up another part of himself. He decides that the risk is worth it. He was not going to let his life be dictated this way.

“Appa… Thank you so much for reaching out to Min Jinho-ssi for me… But I’d really like to try my luck in some of the universities in Seoul.”

“No, dear,” Kibum’s mother says in response, almost automatically. “It’s simply too far away. Would you really be fine with an eight-hour commute each day? That won’t do.”

“Actually… I was hoping to move there... If I get in, that is.”

As expected, his Appa laughs at the idea. “You know our situation around here. We don’t keep anything from you. You know we barely get by. We can’t afford to send you to school and pay for your living expenses at the same time. It was always part of the plan for you to stay home.”

“Appa, if I work hard, I can get a scholarship… My teachers seem to think I can do it. And I can get a job. I can work while I study, so you wouldn’t have to be burdened financially. Lots of other people before me have done that. You’ve raised me to be an independent person. I can do it.”

His parents look at each other with worried faces, his father’s jaw protruding from the side of his face, clenched. It was like they were expecting Kibum to say all this, and they had a ready answer for him.

“Kibum… I think it’s best for you to finish your studies here. Stay close to home, so we can keep an eye on you.”

The young man’s heart falls. He knew exactly what his parents were hinting at. They were not going to let him go out of their fear of him ending up a certain way. Kibum starts to open his mouth to defend himself when his father cuts him off.

“Listen to your Eomma. You are going to the local university. And that’s final.”

He had never felt so helpless. So close to being a full-grown adult and still having no say in his own life. At least he tried.

“Yes, Appa.”


	4. The Weekend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw//self-harm

“What’s the deal with you, man?” Jonghyun asks, as he picks up his third bag of ice and dumps it into the stainless-steel ice chest.

Jinki was hard at work, sweeping the floor from any debris that the vegetable delivery might have left behind. He always did a good job and kept his head down. It was weird to have someone randomly chat him up in the middle of a shift. He looks up at his co-worker and shrugs his shoulders, not knowing what the previous question meant.

“Yunho Hyung told me that you rejected an offer to shadow the bartender? Who passes up an opportunity like that?”

“Me, I guess,” Jinki says, throwing his trash into the nearby bins.

“Dude,” Jonghyun says, putting an arm around Jinki. “You’re telling me that you passed up a chance to be on the club floor, seeing the girls bare their bodies, just to be stuck here hauling deliveries?”

“We’re minors. We shouldn’t even be here. Damn well shouldn’t be anywhere near alcohol,” he responds, wriggling free from Jonghyun.

Sure, being in an air-conditioned room and having a rest from doing hard labor would have been nice for a change. But Jinki wasn’t about to tell an acquaintance that he would rather gnaw off his own arm than see his mother strip for strangers.

As soon as all the deliveries were out of sight and properly stored away, Jinki takes a seat on the floor and takes out a folded notebook from his pocket.

“What are you doing?” the younger boy says, taking a seat beside him.

The older man fishes out a few loose photocopies from the pages of the notebook and makes himself comfortable, taking out the pen sitting behind his ear. “Homework.”

“Oh,” Jonghyun says in awe. “You go to school? Fancy.”

“Yeah, man,” Jinki replies. “It’s the only thing that I’ve ever asked my parents. They let me go out of guilt, I think. What about you?”

“Nah,” he says, pulling a cigarette and lighter out of his pocket. “School’s not for me.”

Jinki watches as the younger boy lights his cigarette and puffs on it like a pro.

“Not smart enough,” Jonghyun says. “I gave it a shot, but I never understood a damn thing. The kicker was, I really tried, you know? Even the nicest teachers gave up on me. Maybe I’m just that stupid.”

Jonghyun had always shown himself to be a tough guy. Of everyone in the staff, he was the one that Jinki was genuinely afraid of. But talking to him now, maybe he wasn’t all that bad. Even if he put up this tough-guy persona, Jinki could still see the hurt in his eyes when he talked about school. It was the first time he had seen Jonghyun remotely care about anything.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Depends,” Jonghyun says, dragging ever so slowly on his cigarette.

“Can you read this for me?” Jinki asks, pulling out one of the photocopied pages and handing it to the young man.

Jonghyun scoffs and waves his hand dismissively. “Are you trying to see if I can read? Of course, I can read. I just don’t have time for brainy shit.”

“No,” Jinki presses. “Humor me. Read this sentence. Just this one sentence.”

“I can’t man,” the younger man laughs. “I can’t see well.”

“You saw the delivery truck coming from 500 meters away. You recognized Yunho Hyung coming down to check on us even when it was dark. You can immediately tell the difference between different kinds of lettuce. You have great vision, Jonghyun. Read it.”

He heaves a sigh and flicks the ash from his cigarette, giving the highlighted sentence a look. A few seconds go by and anyone can tell that Jonghyun was struggling. He tries to mouth the words and finally reads aloud.

“Th-The… Most notable contribution of the Sejeong… Dy, dy...”

“Dynasty,” Jinki says, watching the young man intently.

“Right, dynasty. Wa-Was… The… Han-Hangul alphabet… We… Know… Today,” he says, taking a puff from his cigarette. “There. I did it. Are you happy?”

The older man had his suspicions, but he had to test it more. Pointing to a bold letter E, he asks his co-worker, “What letter is this?”

“That’s a B,” the young man says confidently, trying to project that he was disinterested.

Jinki was no expert, but he was familiar enough with it to have a general idea of what it was. “You’re not stupid, Jonghyun. I think you’re dyslexic.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean??” the young man says, ready to recoil his fist and punch Jinki’s lights out.

“Calm down, dude. It’s nothing bad, just a learning disability. One of my classmates has this too. It’s pretty common. It’s like… Your brain has a hard time interpreting the symbols on the page as letters, so it’s harder for you to read and take information in. The good news is, it’s something that you can work on. If you work at it, it will get better. It has nothing to do with how smart you are, Jonghyun. Really.”

The young man stares blankly at Jinki, trying to take it in. No one in his life had ever told him that this wasn’t his fault. It took a little bit of adjustment to get used to the kindness.

“Dyslexia, huh? They just kept telling me to work harder.”

“No wonder you don’t like studying. I wouldn’t too if it was that hard,” Jinki says, putting his head back into his readings.

“Then you’ll help me?”

Jinki looks back at him with a curious look on his face. He didn’t pin Jonghyun as someone who would be excited about school work.

“What? I don’t want to be stuck hauling deliveries around all my life. So… You’ll help me?”

There was already so much on his plate but look on the younger boy’s face was so hopeful. Jinki didn’t have the heart to tell him no.

“Okay,” he says. “Come in earlier and I can teach you a few things.”

Jonghyun beams as he throws his cigarette away immediately. “Cool. Thanks, man. You’re a good guy.”

A smile comes across his face as he watches Jonghyun spring to life. Maybe this was just the thing he needed to make life that much better.

*****

Kibum lays his head down on his desk, already frustrated with all the papers he had to do. Of course, he started with his own. Just because these bullies threatened him doesn’t mean he had to give them his best ideas. Already, it was a struggle to come up with a cohesive paper. Poetry wasn’t his thing. It annoyed him that he had five more papers to do – well, four.

His phone started to buzz on the other end of his desk, and he instantly knew who it was. There was only one person who texted him at this hour.

_“Hey, Kibum. What are you doing?”_

The young man rolls his eyes as he flips his phone over. He had no time to text non-sense back and forth with someone, especially not one of the people he had to thank for his ridiculous situation.

It wasn’t that Woohyun was annoying. If circumstances were different, Kibum would definitely say that Woohyun was respectful, nice, thoughtful. But the circumstances weren’t different. He was still one of the boys who had made his life at school miserable, no matter how he tried to turn things around when the rest weren’t looking. Kibum pitied him, actually. Imagine not having the balls to stand up for yourself like that.

He scoffs at the judgment he passes at Woohyun when he could easily say the same thing about himself. At least the guy knows what he wants.

Kibum reaches for his phone and texts back.

_“Your stupid papers.”_

It wasn’t long until a response came in. Of course, Woohyun was waiting for his reply. He always was.

_“I’m really sorry about that. Look at it this way: Yixing must think highly of you if he chose you to do the papers for the guys.”_

_“Cool. Should I send a thank you basket?”_

_“No. Sorry. I just meant that everyone knows how smart you are, that’s all.”_

_“Why are you even friends with them? You aren’t like them at all.”_

_“I dunno.”_

Funny how he wanted to shake the boy to tell him that he deserved better. But his heart broke at the realization that the person he really wanted to say this to was himself.

_“Good night.”_

_“Oh, okay. Good night, Kibum.”_

He focuses back on finishing the papers. The quicker he’s done, the quicker he can get back to doing what he wanted for the rest of the weekend… Whatever that was.

Kibum leans back onto his chair as a feeling of despair falls over him. He couldn’t think of a single thing that he could call the shots over in his life. Was it really even his to begin with? Everyone always had a say in what he did, how he was supposed to act, even how to live in the future. He never felt so out of control.

Moments like this, he was afraid to fall back into old habits. The idea of it seemed like such a breath of fresh air right now. He glances down at the scars on his arm and tried to resist the comfort he felt as he thought about how he got each one. The memory of the blade cutting through his skin scared him and lulled him at the same time.

He throws the sharp objects to the floor and fixes his stare at the computer screen. Finishing these wretched papers were the priority for now. He couldn’t let himself think about anything else – it was too dangerous.

*****

It was one of those rare days when Jinki could do whatever he wanted. Times like this were so precious to him since he would have time to properly make some of the art he had been itching to do for the whole week. He always looked forward to letting out his creativity and seeing a beautiful finished product. It gave him a sense of achievement and belief in himself after the world kept hurling negativity at him.

“Jinki?” his father says, knocking on his door. “Can I come in, Son?”

The young man sighs in defeat and stands up to open his door. He had already prepared everything the way the older man wanted. What else could his father want from him?

The elder Lee gingerly enters and looks around in awe. His room was a makeshift studio for all his drawings and paintings – completely impressive for a young man his age. You would never know that he barely had the time to do any of it.

“You’re getting so good… These are fantastic. I had no idea…”

“Thanks,” he says, trying not to show how happy he was. Compliments from his father were few and far between. He always treasured them when it did happen.

“Listen, I was going to ask how much I owed you for the beer and the cigarettes,” he says sheepishly, scratching his head. “I got surprised that I had so many again all of a sudden.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Appa. It’s fine,” he replies, awkwardly sitting at his desk. It had been quite a while since he and his father had a normal conversation like this. He wasn’t quite sure how to act.

“How did you even get it?”

“Eomma helped me,” he says, looking at the floor. This was the first time in a long time that they had talked about his Eomma without his Appa being in a drunken stupor.

“I see,” he says, his face falling. “How is she?”

For a second, he thinks about telling him the truth about her but decides that it probably wasn’t the right thing to do. Appa had problems of his own to worry about right now.

“I really don’t know,” Jinki bluffs. “She doesn’t tell me much about herself.”

It surprised him how much better he was at lying now.

“I see,” he says, relief washing over his face. His father takes a few seconds and heaves a deep sigh before continuing. “There was something else… I think I did something bad the other day, Son. I just wanted to make sure that you’re alright. I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

The worry in his father’s eyes broke Jinki’s heart. He wanted to tell him exactly what he did when he was drunk. He wanted to say how truly scared he was at that moment, how he had never imagined that the person to threaten his life would be his father… How, at that moment, when he looked into his father’s eyes, he saw someone that he didn’t recognize.

But he couldn’t. As usual, he moved in the belief that his feelings weren’t as important as the feelings of the people he loves.

“No, Appa,” Jinki responds, swallowing his pain for the sake of his father. “You got a bit angry, but it wasn’t bad.”

“Are you sure?” he asks, tears filling his eyes. “I’m sorry, Jinki… I… I don’t even know what came over me…”

“I'm sure. It’s alright, Appa,” he says, turning to get back to his desk. “Don’t worry about it.”

The vivid memory of his father threatening to hurt him bore down on him so strongly that suddenly had trouble breathing.

“Appa,” he says, hoping that his father would just leave him alone. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I really need to finish this up for school.”

“O-of course, Jinki-ah,” the older man responds. “I’ll leave you to it.”

As soon as his father closed the door, tears shot down his face. At least he had an idea about what to paint now.


	5. Hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW//bullying

For the first time in Kibum’s scholastic life, he couldn’t wait for lunch. It was torture to watch the clock tick so slowly when all he wanted to do is to run to the cafeteria. He knew he would see Jinki there today, and after their encounter last week, Kibum had a plan to finally get to know more about this mysterious guy.

He wasted a lot of time over the weekend staring at the picture the older man had given him. It wasn’t that he liked staring at himself. But Kibum was comforted by the love and care that Jinki had obviously put into the drawing him. In a weird way, the loneliness in his heart was quieted.

As soon as the clock strikes twelve, he is out of his seat – uncharacteristically raring to get out of the stuffy classroom. There were just a few students trickling out of their rooms when he got to the hallway. He had never been out this early.

“Hey, hey, hey,” an annoying voice comes from behind him. “What’s the rush, Kibum? You’ve never beat us out of the classroom before.”

Slowly, he turns around to find his tormentors lining up in front of him, with those stupid smug looks on their faces. The young man’s hands immediately clam up, panicking at the sight. For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what they wanted. He hoped that it wasn’t one of those days where they just wanted to beat the shit out of him for no reason. 

“You’re forgetting something,” Yixing says, putting his hand out and wagging his eyebrows.

Kibum heaves a huge sigh of relief. Of course. The papers. He takes his bag off his shoulder and opens it, taking out folders of papers ready for submission. As usual, it was pristine – each formatted properly, with the names of his bullies already printed on the cover page. A smile crept on the faces of each of the boys as Kibum handed them their homework. 

“You’re missing one,” Junmyeon says, pointing to Woohyun.

The young man shoots a panicked look a Woohyun, not wanting to get in trouble for something he was told not to do. 

“Nah, man,” he says, cooly. “I told him not to do mine. I wanted to do it myself.”

“Huh?” Sungyeol asks.

“I sent him a message not to do my paper. It’s cool.”

“Idiot,” Yixing says, rolling the paper into a tube and smacking him on the side of his head. “Why would you do it yourself when the smartest kid in class will do it for you?”

“Ow! Hey,” Woohyun responds. “I happen to like poems. Even if I fail, at least I’m doing it myself.”

“Are you saying we’re stupid or something?” Junmyeon says, his attention fully diverted now.

“Yeah. What’s that supposed to mean?” Sungyeol chimes in, his brows furrowing.

Everyone could see something different brewing behind Woohyun’s eyes. It was a resolve that none of them had seen in him before. 

“It means that I would rather do my own stuff from now on. So what if he can get me good marks for one class? I need to learn for myself if I want to get anywhere in life. You guys need to start thinking about that, too.”

“Wow,” Yixing says, looking amused. “I didn’t know you were capable of having your own opinions.”

“You call the shots a lot, Yixing. But I can speak for myself.”

Kibum stands there nervously, wishing silently that Woohyun would just stop talking. The look on the other boys’ faces immediately sent chills up his spine. He didn’t particularly like the guy, but no one deserved to be picked on. And he knew for sure what was about to happen next. He knew the feeling too well. 

“What are you looking at?” Hoya asks Kibum menacingly. “You’re done here. Leave.”

He didn’t have to be told twice. Kibum turns his back and walks in the opposite direction, overhearing the guys quarreling behind him. His heart sinks at the sound of Woohyun being pushed around. Shooting a quick glance back, he sees the one guy who had shown him kindness about to take a beating because he wanted to make his life a little bit easier. He had to find a way to thank him. 

***** 

Jinki was so nervous about lunchtime. He was stressing about seeing Kibum again, not sure if he should feel embarrassed about what he did last Friday. The last thing he wanted was for him to think that he was some sort of artsy freak, but at the same time, he just wanted to have any interaction with Kibum. He didn’t wait to see the young man’s reaction then, and he was scared that he would have to confront it now. Part of him wanted to run the other way, but the growling of his stomach wouldn’t let him.

He turns the volume up as the line moves forward. His earphones comforted him so much right now. If he was hearing his music, he knew that he was safe inside his own little bubble. But as soon as retreats into that idea, he feels a finger tap his shoulder. He was so scared to look up; he already knew who it was.

His heart was pounding so hard when he saw Kibum standing next to him, with the kindest look in his eyes. Jinki wanted to pinch himself to make sure that he wasn’t dreaming. He quickly drops his earphones to his neck and gives a little nod. 

“Hello… Thanks for the picture,” he says. “You’re really talented.”

The older gives him a weak smile before he lets his eyes drift down to the floor. He could feel his ears getting red from the compliment and suddenly wished that he could hide it with his earphones again. 

“I don’t mean to intrude, but I just really wanted to ask if you had anyone to sit with. I see you sometimes, and you just buy lunch and disappear. I was just wondering if you wanted to sit with us,” he says, pointing towards his table. “But no pressure.”

He looks over and sees Minho and Taemin in their own little world, laughing at the characters from Taemin’s bento. Today’s mascots were octopuses made from cut-up hotdogs that they poised for battle. For them, it was comedy gold. The older had to admit that being around happy people seemed nice. 

“Th-thank you,” Jinki manages to croak out. “I wouldn’t want to ruin your lunch with your friends.”

Kibum was surprised at how low and manly Jinki’s voice was. The younger didn’t quite remember it being that way. It sent shivers down his spine.

“You wouldn’t ruin it at all,” he says, smiling. There was something in Kibum’s eyes that tugged on Jinki’s heartstrings—like Kibum really wanted to spend this time with him.

“Please?”

There was no way that Jinki could say no. He nodded his head as he finally walked up to the front of the line. 

“Great! Just come over when you’re done,” Kibum says, smiling so widely that dimples popped out from his cheeks.

“Hi, dear,” the Noona from behind the counter says kindly. “The usual?”

“Uh,” Jinki replies, scratching the back of his head. “Yes, but can you make the lunch order for here? I think I might stick around today.”

“Of course,” she says, preparing his order. “It’s good to see you finally making friends.”

He smiles back and looks over to the table where Kibum and his friends were. It was obvious that the younger was explaining to them that he would be coming over to join them soon. Jinki’s fears were allayed when the three of them shoot him warm smiles when they see him looking. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. 

He takes his tray and slowly walks over to the table, suddenly hyper-aware of everyone in the cafeteria. Kids were looking strangely at him, as expected. But all he focused on was Kibum’s smile… His bright eyes… His adorable dimples…

“Jinki-ssi,” he says, as soon as the elder reaches the table. “These are my friends, Lee Taemin and Choi Minho. You might have seen them lurking the halls and stuff. They’re with student government. Guys, this is Lee Jinki,” Kibum says proudly. 

“Hey, man,” Minho says, welcoming the older to their table. “Nice to meet you.”

“Hi,” he says, quite shyly as he took the empty chair in between Kibum and Minho. “Thanks for letting me eat with you guys.”

“Of course!” Taemin says, smiling. “We’ve been trying to figure out where we’ve seen you before… What year are you in, Hyung?”

“I’m a Senior,” Jinki replies, nervously putting his bag on his lap to put his sandwiches and juice boxes inside.

“Really?” Minho says, scrunching his nose. “You don’t look like a Senior, Hyung. And I mean that in a good way. Kibum and I look older than you do.”

“Thanks,” he says softly, closing his backpack and setting it down. He couldn’t help but be conscious about every move he made when Kibum’s stare was so trained on him. It was awkward, but he liked it.

“Why do you have so many sandwiches?” Taemin asks, finally eating one of his warrior octopi.

“Taemin,” Kibum responds, shooting his friend a stern look even if he was wondering the same thing too. 

“No, that’s okay,” Jinki says, not minding that someone actually cared enough to ask. “I have lunch in school… These are for my other meals.” 

“Oh,” Minho says, panicking that Taemin might have actually overstepped some boundaries. “Are your parents busy, too? Mine and Kibum’s parents are the same way. I never had a packed lunch in my life.”

“Yeah,” he says, looking over at Kibum, who was nodding his head. “I guess you could say that.”

“I guess I shouldn’t give my Eomma too much grief,” Taemin says, looking down at his half-eaten but perfectly arranged bento. “All I do is play with this when I know she worked hard on it.”

“I think it’s okay to have fun with your food,” Jinki says, smiling at how the youngest was so honest. “Maybe that’s what she wanted when she fixed it for you.”

“Yeah,” the freshman said, comforted by Jinki’s words. “She’s really artistic, isn’t she?”

“Jinki Hyung’s artistic, too!” Kibum says, excitedly bragging about his new friend. “He draws really well.”

“Really, Hyung?” Minho says, his eyes lighting up. “What kind of art do you do?”

Jinki shrugs as he takes a bite of his lunch. “Mostly just plain sketches… I haven’t really tried other media. Art supplies aren’t cheap, so I use whatever I can.”

“This is so perfect,” Minho exclaims. “Student government is having a fund-raising event soon and we’re looking for more people to fill in the booths! You can sell clothes, jewelry, cookies and cakes, art, whatever, and you just have to give us 10% of whatever you make so we can donate it to charity. Do you want to join us? It’s for a good cause.”

“Yeah, Hyung! You can make some money and it’ll be fun! We’ll all be there,” Taemin says. “Even Kibum Hyung. You guys can share a booth!”

Jinki looks over at Kibum who still had his eyes trained on him. He nodded and smiled sweetly, and the elder could have sworn that a million butterflies were released in his stomach. 

“I… I’ll think about it,” he says. “Having extra cash wouldn’t hurt.”

“Awesome!” Minho says, pulling a piece of paper from his backpack and handing it to Jinki. “Here are all the details. You can let me know about your decision any time this week.”

Jinki takes the paper and looks down at it, a smile spreading on his face. No one had seen his work other than Kibum and his Appa, but it was always a dream of his to be a working artist. This would be a great first step to getting his work out there. And the fact that he would get to do it with Kibum… He had to stop himself from saying yes too quickly. 

“Thanks,” Jinki says. “I appreciate that you guys think I’m good enough to do this. You’ve never even seen my work.”

“I’ve known Kib my whole life and I trust him with this stuff completely. If you’re good by his standards, then you must be an amazing artist,” Minho replies, looking down at his watch. “Oh, crap. We have to go, Taemin. We have to pass by the Vice-Principal’s office for those forms.”

“Oh, yeah!” Taemin says, stuffing his mouth with the rest of his hotdog army. 

They both scurry to get their stuff and wave goodbye. 

“Bye,” Minho says, with all the charm that got him elected into student government in the first place.

Taemin’s mouth was still full of food, but he tried so hard to talk through it. It was completely adorable. The eldest could see why Kibum liked these two so much. “Nice to meet you, Jinki Hyung! See you!”

And just like that, Jinki and Kibum were left to themselves.

“Your friends are nice,” Jinki says, desperately thinking of something more to say. Now that there wasn’t anyone else to focus on but Kibum, his heart started to pound so hard. He looked completely captivating—more so up close than what he was used to. 

“Yeah,” Kibum says, smiling. “They can be intense about the after-school things but they’re really sweet. They’re the only people I can stand around here.”

He smiles in response and turns his attention to finishing his food. He couldn’t believe that he was sitting next to Kim Kibum and talking to him after years of just sneaking glances. The younger’s attention was 100% on him and it took all his strength not to freak out.

What Jinki didn’t know was that Kibum was feeling the same way. The only difference was, he was more comfortable with knowing how to hide it. The one thing that he couldn’t help doing was to stare. He never realized just how manly Jinki was. His deep voice, his mannerisms, his adam’s apple, even the faint stubble on his upper lip was sending Kibum into a frenzy. He couldn’t tear his eyes away.

The younger had to do what he wanted to right this very minute before he lost his nerve. He clears his throat and grabs Jinki’s attention.

“I really wanted to give you this,” Kibum says, going into his bag and retrieving a dainty envelope. “I’m not as talented as you are… But I just wanted to show how much I appreciated the picture.”

Jinki’s eyes are wide as he carefully takes it in his hands. He was expecting a letter or something, but the envelope had something a bit lumpy inside it. The elder nods his thanks and opens it carefully to reveal a lovely woven bracelet. It was about half an inch thick, made from thin strips of brown leather. The cuff on the end was crafted so well and Jinki was delighted to see his initials carved on the clasp. It was one of the best gifts he had ever gotten. 

“I know it’s not much,” Kibum says, shyly. “I make bracelets as a hobby. It’s not fancy, it’s just meant to give me a distraction. I just thought to make you one.”

“No, it’s perfect,” Jinki replies, running his finger across the craftsmanship. The older immediately juts his wrist out and snakes his gift around his arm to wear. “I love it… Thank you.”

Kibum’s week had been made. The way that Jinki admired the bracelet was almost enough to make him melt. It felt really nice to give Jinki something of his to carry around in return. 

The bell rings suddenly rings, signaling the end of their lunch break. They gather their trays and stand up to return it to the cafeteria counters silently—both oblivious to the fact that the last few minutes with each other were the happiest they’ve had in a long time. 

“I have to go, but do you want to have lunch with us again tomorrow? Minho and Taemin like you a lot. I could tell,” Kibum says, as they walk out to the halls together. “Same time and place?”

“Sure,” Jinki says, his heart leaping with joy. “I’d love that.”


	6. Chased

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW//bullying, physical harm

It was impossible to concentrate. He could see the teacher’s lips moving, but his brain just couldn’t keep up. All he could think about were Jinki’s eyes, Jinki’s lips, Jinki’s voice… It was driving him up the wall.

Every single thing about lunchtime kept running through his mind. He was still so shocked that Jinki even talked to him, let alone accepted his invitation to sit at their table. Kibum was afraid that it would be awkward for the elder, but he seemed to want to be there. He was so proud of his friends for being so welcoming and making a good impression. But what he couldn’t get over was how adorable Jinki was when he tried to connect with Minho and Taemin. He never expected the elder to be so warm and engaging. Even just that was making the butterflies in his tummy go wild.

The thought of doing the fund-raiser with him was also making him so giddy. He wished so hard that Jinki would say yes, and that they would really share a booth together. Enduring those boring, mundane activities with the elder seemed like a dream. For once, he would be excited to participate.

How Jinki gushed over the bracelet, though. Kibum was so elated that he had to bite his lip to keep from squealing. The elder stared so lovingly at the bracelet, when Kibum painstakingly spent hours on it, even losing sleep just to make sure every detail was flawless. To be honest, he was really nervous about giving it to the elder in the first place, worried that it wasn’t good enough. But everything proved to be worth it. He would do it all over in a heartbeat just to see that amazing smile again. 

The younger doodled whatever he could get out of the lecture in his notebook—not that he would ever get much from a string of random words. Good thing that this wasn’t anything complicated, like a Science class. He knew he could get by without paying much attention.

For some strange reason, despite being over the moon, he felt increasingly uncomfortable; like someone was watching him. It was an eerie feeling, and he didn’t like it at all. He searches the room to see if he was right about being watched and instantly locks eyes with Woohyun.

A small gasp escapes his lips at the way his classmate looked. His lower lip was busted and one of his eyes was slightly swollen. Usually, he and his buddies were busy mucking it up with one another during class, but it was so obvious that they kept their distance right now. 

Kibum slinks back into his seat and feels incredibly guilty at the realization. Woohyun got beat up. And he knew that the only reason his classmate could have suffered at the hands of his so-called friends was him. If he had trouble concentrating in class before, it was certainly more difficult now.

As soon as the bell rings, everyone makes their way out of the classroom as fast as they could—as usual. Kibum hangs back much longer this time. He just wanted to make sure that everything was alright.

“Are you okay?” Kibum asks, slowly coming towards Woohyun.

“Yeah, fine,” he says, not being able to look at Kibum in the eye. His classmate continues to fix his things and pile them into his backpack as people disappeared from the classroom. “This is nothing. We rag on each other sometimes. It’s all good.”

“You don’t look fine,” he says, fidgeting with his hands. “I know it’s because I didn’t make you a paper. You know you don’t have to go through this because of me. I’d rather do your paper than have them beat you up.”

“Well, I’d rather be beaten up than let you do my paper, Kibum,” he says, embarrassed at his state. “It’s not fair to you. I can’t stand it anymore.”

They spend the next few moments in silence. Woohyun wasn’t wrong. It was unfair. Kibum was tired of being everyone’s punching bag. He just never thought that anyone cared.

“You can have other friends, you know,” he replies.

“I know,” Woohyun says, taking in a sharp breath at the end of his sentence.

His eyes shift quickly to the front of the classroom, instantly filling with dread. Kibum looks toward the same direction and his heart dropped instantly.

One by one, Yixing and the others came into the room and smug smiles spread across their faces at what they see.

“That worked out perfectly. We were going to have a chat with Woohyun, but since you’re here… I think you owe Woohyunnie an apology, Kim,” Yixing says coldly. “He got his ass handed to him because of you.”

“I think you’ve made your point. Leave us alone,” Woohyun says, trying to pass through the wall of boys that blocked the door. Of course, they wouldn’t let him go. He takes a few steps back as he was confronted with the menacing looks from his “friends.”

Yixing laughs and walks confidently towards Woohyun. Suddenly, he smacks the side of his friend’s head with an open hand. “You’re really more stupid than I thought. You should be the one who’s most upset at Kibum. In fact…”

The leader motions to the rest of the guys, and they automatically flank Kibum on each side, pinning his arms back. At first, Kibum protested by trying to wriggle free but it was no use. They held on to him too tightly.

“Go ahead,” Yixing says, folding his arms in front of his chest. “You get first dibs today. Our gift to you.”

Kibum sighs deeply as he prepares himself for a beating, grieving the loss of his perfect day. He knew it was all too good to be true.

They wait for Woohyun to step forward and do what he was told, but he stood firmly in his place. His eyes shifted nervously from Kibum to Yixing and back as if he was in a crisis of some sort. 

“Woohyun, what is wrong with you,” Sunggyeol says. “Throw the first punch.”

“If you don’t beat Kibum right now, I swear Woohyun, I’ll make every day of your life a living hell,” Hoya says, getting more impatient by the minute.

“Hit him!” Junmyeon shouts.

Kibum looks up at poor Woohyun and sees his eyes brimming with tears. The look that he had was completely heartbreaking. His classmate was clearly struggling with his own conscience. Compassion is such a peculiar thing. Kibum was the one who was getting a beating but, looking at Woohyun, he never felt so sorry for another person in his life.

“It’s okay,” Kibum tells him gently, calmly resigned to his fate. He had taken a beating many times before and will continue to do so many times after this. It didn’t really matter anymore. “You can hit me. It’s okay.”

Yixing throws his head back and bellows in laughter. “He’s begging for it, Woohyun! How pathetic! Hit him, or we beat up both of you. It’s your choice.”

Woohyun’s lip starts to quiver as he approaches Kibum with such an apologetic look in his eye. The group starts to chuckle triumphantly as their comrade returns to their side, makes a fist and reels his hand back. There was nothing Yixing loved more than knowing that he was in control. And seeing Woohyun and Kibum falling prey to his plans made him feel even more powerful.

No one expected that his authority would be so brazenly challenged by someone that they didn’t even know existed.

“Stop!”

*****

Jinki spent the entire afternoon staring at his new bracelet.

It was a reminder that he didn’t just dream about everything. When his skin touched the smooth leather, he knew it was all real. He actually spent time with Kim Kibum today. He actually met his friends, shared a meal together, talked. Kibum made this precious bracelet especially for him. The young man spent hours crafting this with his own hands, engraving his initials. The thought that someone took so much time and care into giving him something like this was almost too overwhelming for Jinki. He was on cloud nine.

There was something about being with Kibum that gave him an immense sense of comfort. They didn’t even talk that much but he felt so at ease in his company. He couldn’t understand how, but for once in his life the young man made him feel seen and understood. His presence alone made him feel like he wasn’t alone.

It didn’t hurt that he was easy on the eyes.

He had never seen Kibum smile from that close before or for that long, and it was such a joy discovering just how beautiful he was. What stuck with him was the way the young man’s eyes sparkled when they talked. In the safety of his mind, he could get lost in the fantasy that the look in Kibum’s eye was because of him.

Now that he had a taste of what it was like to actually feel happy, he wasn’t going to let one more moment go to waste. He was going to try and spend more time with Kibum, even if it meant just getting home together.

He shakes his hands as the bell rings, signaling the end of another day. It was embarrassing to admit that he knew exactly where Kibum’s classroom was, but he was so excited that he didn’t even care. It would take him a while to reach the other end of the school, though. He just hoped he wasn’t too late.

Jinki smiled to himself, relieved to see that the light was still on in the classroom at the end of the hallway. There was a slim chance that he would see the young man still there, but something told him that he was. He prepared himself all afternoon to talk to Kibum, but nothing could have prepared him from what he saw next.

A group of guys, who were all bigger than anyone else in that class, was holding Kibum up by his arms. The young man had his eyes closed as if to brace himself for a punch to the face. A scared-looking kid was getting ready to beat his precious Kibum up. Panic consumes Jinki. 

“Stop!” He says, courageously and without thinking. “Let him go.”

Kibum looks up with fear in his eyes as if to warn Jinki to go his own way. But there was no chance in hell the elder was going to allow all of this to happen. Not to Kibum.

The tormentors stood there in shock, blinking at this lone guy who dared to interrupt them. Never had they been confronted before—by anyone.

“I won’t say it again,” Jinki says, without backing down. The deepness in his voice let everyone know that he meant business. He walks further into the room and puffs out his chest. “Let him go and go home.”

“Who the hell are you?” Hoya says, smirking. “Mind your own business, dickhead.”

“Your business becomes mine when you threaten my friend, dickhead,” Jinki replies.

The fact that he had doubled down even after Hoya’s dismissal of him angered the four so much. They were chomping at the bit to pound on Jinki. But not until Yixing says so.

“Friend?” Yixing says, chuckling to himself. “Are you sure about that? I saw you two at lunch. Cute. I didn’t know you swung that way, Kim. But it makes perfect sense when you think about it. Can’t expect a wimp like you not to be a fa—”

In a flash, Yixing was on the floor, yelping in pain. His nose started bleeding profusely and he was reduced to what he was: A small high school boy, moaning for his mother.

Everyone stared at Woohyun in disbelief. He was standing over Yixing, his fist still balled up and fire in his eyes.

“What the hell, man!” Junmyeon says, snapping out of it and rushing down to the ground to help Yixing. “The fuck did you do?”

Jinki sees his opportunity and yanks Kibum’s button-down shirt as hard as he could for the younger to escape the grips of Hoya and Sunggyeol. The elder doesn’t hesitate for one second and throws a punch at the person nearest him, and a full-blown fight breaks out.

Woohyun kicks Junmyeon to the floor before he could get up from Yixing’s side, sending him crashing through all the classroom chairs behind him. Kibum quickly trips Sunggyeol as he was about to attack Jinki from behind, while Jinki effectively dodges a punch from Hoya.

“Woohyun!” Kibum screams as Yixing was able to pick himself up and grab a thick, hardbound history book from the teacher’s table. But his classmate wasn’t quick enough. He was struck in the face with so much force that it reopened the wound on his lip.

Kibum screaming distracted Jinki, which allowed Hoya to throw a punch that landed squarely on the elder’s jaw.

Seeing Jinki be hurt like that horrified Kibum. He does his best to get to the elder and Woohyun and pull them away; out of the room and out of harm’s way. Kibum was stronger than he thought. In no time, the three of them were racing away from school grounds.

“Woohyun, what the hell were you thinking?!” Kibum says in between breaths.

Despite the brave show that they just put up, all of them were completely terrified—Woohyun especially.

“Just keep running!” His classmate yells back. “They hate chasing after people!”

“Which way?” Jinki asks.

Kibum takes the elder's hand tightly in his as they run in unison. “This way!”


	7. Stolen

They all walk up to Kibum’s house, feeling physically tired and emotionally drained. None of them had ever been in a fight that was even close to being that balanced. Sure, Woohyun’s lip was bleeding again, and Jinki’s jaw felt tender from taking a punch to the face, but they were able to cause significant damage to their aggressors too. Even if they had to run away to escape, they held their own quite well. Jinki was proud of himself for being able to protect Kibum in one way or another. All the younger had suffered were stains and rips on his uniform. For him, that was a win.

“We’re here,” Kibum says, opening the small gate leading up to their townhouse.

It wasn’t that big, but it wasn’t small either. There were small flowers by the path that were so delicate that they could easily be trampled, and the lawn was very well-kept. It was such a lovely house… Something that he could imagine Kibum living in. They all carefully pile in through the front door and take their shoes off.

“You can leave your bags over here,” Kibum says, pointing to the wooden bench by the entryway. “And you guys can wait in the kitchen while I get the first aid kit. It’s just through there. I’ll be right back.”

Jinki and Woohyun quietly do as they were told as Kibum disappears into one of the rooms. The elder couldn’t believe that he was actually in Kim Kibum’s house. This was the place he ate in, slept in, lived in… Despite the aches and pains on his body, he was so happy to be here. If that’s what it took to get an invitation to this place, he would gladly endure it again any day.

The two trudged towards the kitchen and sit down on chairs opposite one another, without a single word. Jinki still didn’t really understand why one of the bullies had sided with them, and why Kibum was being so nice to him as well. The younger tries to make friendly eye contact with Jinki but he was having none of it. There was just a part of him that couldn’t trust this boy.

Woohyun had so many questions. He wondered who this guy was and why he had never seen him before. He wondered how he could have been courageous enough to stand up to Yixing and the others, and how he could be strong enough to back up his threats. Most importantly, he wondered why he took it upon himself to be involved in Kibum’s affairs.

“Here,” the owner of the house says, frantically coming into the room with a huge first-aid kit in his arms. He lays it on the table and beelines to the freezer, pulling out a bag of frozen blueberries.

“Put this on your jaw,” he says, taking Jinki’s hand and putting the cold package in it. He guides the elder to place the makeshift cold pack on the right spot, and Jinki’s heart raced at how perilously close Kibum was to him. “There. Is that better?”

Jinki silently nods, as he becomes aware that the other guy was watching them so closely. Something about him really rubbed the elder the wrong way.

Turning his attention to Woohyun, Kibum zips the kit open to retrieve some antiseptic and a cotton pad. His hands were shaking as he soaked the pad with the liquid and lifted it to Woohyun’s bleeding lip. His classmate winces loudly at the pain but immediately tries to toughen up when he notices Jinki chuckling softly.

“Keep that there for a while,” Kibum says, his hands shaking.

He takes a seat in between his friends and covers his eyes with his hands in frustration. Kibum was consumed with so much guilt. All of this was his fault.

“Don’t,” Jinki says, soothingly. “This isn’t your fault, Kibum. Those guys were idiots. Thank you for taking care of us.”

The young man looks up at Jinki, in awe. He had no idea how this guy was able to read him so easily, but those were exactly the right words that he was longing to hear. Kibum smiled warmly at Jinki, reaching out to squeeze his arm. Suddenly, the older could feel a blush forming on his face and he panics, trying to figure out a way to hide it.

“Do you mind if I use your bathroom?” He asks.

“Oh, sure, not at all” Kibum replies, pointing to the hallway. “It’s the second door on the right.”

Woohyun’s gaze follows Jinki out of the room. Turns out that Jinki wasn’t the only one who felt uneasy about the other boy. The feeling was quite mutual. Just as Woohyun was about to ask about Jinki, he notices something about the medicine.

“It stopped tingling,” Woohyun says, taking the cotton pad off the cut on his lip. “I think I need a new one.”

Kibum hurriedly took the bottle of antiseptic and poured more on a new pad, dabbing it on Woohyun’s lip himself. They were so close together that Woohyun could feel Kibum’s breath on his face. It smelled like strawberries and mint.

“Who is that guy?” His classmate finally asks, not being able to shake off his curiosity.

“Lee Jinki, a Senior,” Kibum says, shrugging. “He’s a friend.”

“So, he really came to the classroom for you?”

Kibum shrugs his shoulders, not sure about the answer to that question himself. Even though he was so thankful that the elder had walked in when he did, why _was_ Jinki there? The possibilities made his heart flutter, but he quickly quelled his feelings. Now wasn’t the time. Not when Woohyun was looking at him like that.

It was so hard to explain to someone else how Jinki and he met, and he certainly didn’t want to get into to any of that right now. He dodges the topic altogether. They had more important things to discuss, anyway.

“Why did you do that? You know that you’re going to be a target now too, don’t you?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Woohyun says. “I don’t care anymore. They’re bad news anyway.”

Kibum smiles softly. “Finally. Good for you, Woohyun. You deserve much better.”

“Really? You think so?” he asks, looking up at Kibum.

“Yeah. I’ve always wondered why you hung around with those goons. You’re a good guy. You don’t belong with them. All these years, you’ve been the only one to show me an iota of kindness. And you stood up to them for me today. You were really brave to do that. I didn’t think that anyone cared about me that—”

All of a sudden, Kibum felt hands around his face, pulling him in. To his surprise, the faint taste of blood and slightly chapped skin was on his lips. His eyes were wide open as Woohyun pressed his body into his, holding him so close that he almost had trouble breathing.

His heart was pounding, but for all the wrong reasons. The most urgent thought on his mind was Jinki. The elder was just in the other room. He didn’t want him to see this. Not at all.

“No!” Kibum says instinctively, pushing Woohyun away with all his might.

He puts his hands over his mouth, utterly shocked by what the other boy just did. Woohyun’s eyes were downcast, and his face turns crimson. The boy was utterly embarrassed. And heartbroken. The rejection tore him up like nothing he ever felt before.

“I’m sorry… I… I just thought,” he says, not knowing what to do. “I’m so sorry.”

At that moment, the elder walks back into the kitchen to find Kibum on the verge of tears. The mood in the room had shifted tremendously and Jinki froze, not really sure of what was going on.

“I… I gotta go,” Woohyun says, standing up abruptly. He wordlessly storms out of the kitchen and Jinki watches him grab his bag, put on his shoes and bolt out the front door in under a minute.

The slamming of the front door echoed through the entire house, but Jinki was distracted by a totally different sound. He looks to the kitchen and finds Kibum with his head in his hands, shoulders shaking. He was horrified to realize that the muffled sound he was hearing was the younger’s soft sobs.

Jinki walked slowly towards him, completely terrified. His heart sinks, thinking of the many things that could have possibly happened and how he wasn’t there to protect him.

“Kibum…?” he says, gently. “What happened?”

The younger said nothing in response other than to just keep sobbing into his hands. The sight of it all disturbed Jinki greatly. The elder wracks his brain for what to do. He reaches out to pat the younger’s shoulder, and he was surprised that Kibum looked up at him when he did so.

“H-he kissed me,” Kibum says, his voice shaking. The young man looked so defeated. “I’ve n-never been k-kissed before.”

Jinki’s heart fell to the floor.

Hearing those words was like a dagger to his heart. He couldn’t believe he let Kibum be violated like that when he was in the same house, just mere steps away. He balls his fists and clenches his already swollen jaw. 

But there was no room for anger right now. Not when Kibum was in shambles.

The younger’s small frame shook with sobs, as he was muttering inaudibly into his own hands. All Jinki could do was pat his back and sit with him. He felt so utterly useless.

“Sorry,” Kibum says, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his uniform. “I’m sorry… Please don’t worry about me. I’m fine. I’m fine…”

“I’m guessing the kiss wasn’t welcome,” Jinki asks, just wanting to make sure that he wasn’t misreading the situation.

“No,” Kibum says. “But I’m being silly. I’m being silly, right? It’s no big deal. It’s just a kiss.”

He tried his best to downplay it, but the words stung his heart. The truth was, it wasn’t just a kiss. He had been saving it for the perfect time, and for someone special—not in his kitchen on a random afternoon, while nursing a confused bully. Kibum felt angry, sad and so confused at the same time. He thought he could trust Woohyun. It was the worst kind of betrayal he had ever felt.

“I knew I should’ve kicked his ass, too,” Jinki says, trying to control the rage he was feeling.

“No, no… Woohyun’s a good guy,” Kibum says, defending the boy for reasons he himself didn’t understand. He tries to catch his breath as he talks, cleans up around him and puts the first-aid kit aside. “I must have done or said something to lead him on. I’m really just overreacting.”

“What?”

The elder is shocked at the way Kibum is letting all the blame fall on his shoulders when he had done nothing wrong. His instinct to protect the young man was, even more, lit up in his heart. 

“I need you to listen to me: It’s not your fault. None of this is,” Jinki says firmly, making sure to look the young man in his eyes. “Bullies have tortured you, and taken advantage of you… And now one of them has stolen something special. You have every right to be upset.”

A single tear falls from Kibum’s eye as he lets Jinki’s words bring him comfort. Maybe he was belittling himself too much. He was so glad to finally have someone who looked out for him this way. It was new and, if he was being honest, it was quite overwhelming.

“Do you have a curfew or something?” The elder asks.

It was completely left-field, and Kibum couldn’t help but wonder why he was asking. “Uh… Not really… I have a few chores, that's all...”

“Awesome,” he says, taking Kibum’s hand and leading him out the door. “Come with me.”

“Wh-where are we going?”

“To someone who can really help. None of this will ever happen again, Kibum,” the older says, with fire in his eyes. “I swear it.”

*****

Kibum nervously looks around. He had never been to this part of town before. It wasn’t that he was scared, but his parents had warned him about everything that allegedly goes on here: murders, robberies, drug drop-offs, prostitution... Okay. So, maybe he was a little scared.

He had no idea why Jinki was bringing him here, and on a school day no less. The younger kept thinking of ways to let the elder know that he had never been in a club, or tasted alcohol, or even smelled cigarette smoke. But no matter how uncomfortable he was getting, he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. After all, he owed so much to Jinki. And wherever they were, at least they were together.

They get off at a busy stop and walk silently to an alley next to what looked like a strip club. It made Kibum’s heart skip a beat when he saw the way Jinki was keeping an eye on him. They come upon someone who looked eager to see the elder.

“Where have you been, man? I’ve been waiting for like twenty minutes. Did you forget that we were gonna do some school stuff today?” The boy sitting on the floor asks as he got up to meet Jinki. At first, he seemed worried, but his face suddenly changed when he realized they weren’t alone. “Who’s this?”

He eyes Kibum suspiciously, and a shiver immediately runs down the younger’s spine. Jinki’s friend wasn’t really on the tall side, but he definitely looked strong. His muscles were well-pronounced, even through the sweatshirt he was wearing. And he had the type of confidence that would scare even the most seasoned bully.

“Kibum, this is Jonghyun. We work together. Jonghyun, meet Kibum. We go to school together,” Jinki says. “I think we could all help each other out.”

Jonghyun gives Kibum the side-eye for a few seconds before deciding to welcome the new guy. The truth was, looked so much more proper and polished than anyone else he had ever met. Jonghyun offers his hand out for some strange secret handshake that the youngest was not able to follow at all. It took all of Jinki’s strength not to burst out laughing.

“Hey, man,” Jonghyun says. “Guess any friend of Jinki’s is okay in my book. You’re not looking for a job here, are you? You don’t look like you could handle it. No offense.”

“Nope,” the eldest says with the widest smile on his face. “He’s here to help you.”

“You’re here to help me? Oh yeah? With what?”

“Kibum here is the smartest person in his class. He's on-track to get the best scholarships to the most prestigious in the country,” Jinki proudly says.

“Yeah? Good for you, but what's that to me?”

“Both of us are going to teach you everything you need to know to get back into school and get a diploma.”

“We are?” Kibum asks, completely confused by the whole situation. He wasn’t even sure if he liked Jonghyun yet and Jinki was already fixing a deal for them.

“Yes,” Jinki says, smiling. “We sure are.”

It seemed promising. But before he could let himself become excited about anything, Jonghyun wanted to know everything about this deal. He knew that most things in life were always too good to be true. “What’s the catch?”

“You, my friend, are going to teach us everything we need to know to defend ourselves. Teach us how to fight, and we’ll get you back in school. Deal?”

He takes another look at the pair before him. Jinki, he trusted. But it was going to take more than hype to make him warm up to the younger one.

“Why do you need to learn how to fight,” he asks, nodding towards Kibum.

Kibum hesitates to answer, but this Jonghyun guy seemed legit. Maybe they could be of use to one another. “A group of guys beat me up if I don’t do their homework for them, or for whatever reason they can think of. I’m tired of it.”

Jonghyun’s eyebrows shoot up, thoroughly impressed. If bullies were targeting him to do their work, then he must be intelligent.

“Deal,” Jonghyun replies, a smile spreading across his face. He holds out his hand to the elder to shake on their newly-minted arrangement, and Jinki returns the favor with enthusiasm.

Without warning, Jonghyun yanks Jinki towards him with such force that the elder loses his balance and crashes down at their feet.

“Lesson one: Don’t trust the enemy… Not even for a minute,” Jonghyun says, smirking cockily. He throws his arm around Kibum and nonchalantly steps over his co-worker. “C’mon, Kibum was it? Tell me all about your bullies so I know exactly how we can inflict pain.”

The young man worriedly looks back at Jinki who was getting up from the floor. He mouths that he’s fine and quickly shoots him a warm smile, just to appease him. Seeing Jonghyun and Kibum walk off together was already making him happy.

This was going to be fun.


	8. Heartbreak

He thought of pretending to be sick… Or just pretending to go to school and be anywhere else… Anything to keep him from facing the guys that they made fools of yesterday. Kibum couldn’t imagine Yixing being anything but furious at him, and it scared him half to death.

It was a lucky break that Jinki found him when he did. Or that Woohyun had suddenly grown balls and decided to speak up for himself for a change. He regretted reacting so harshly when his classmate made his move, but he couldn’t help his reflexes. Never did he expect anything remotely like that to happen. He and Woohyun had a complicated friendship, but he always thought of him as a misguided soul. And now, he discovered that they have more in common than he initially thought.

Even now, his thoughts and emotions about it were such a mess. When he and Jinki were supposed to be listening to Jonghyun, his mind kept going back to what happened. It didn’t help that Woohyun kept sending him messages throughout the night.

_“Kibum…”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“I shouldn’t have done that.”_

_“I wasn’t trying to play with you or anything like that.”_

_“I really like you.”_

_“I have for a while.”_

_“I just didn’t know how to say it.”_

_“Kibum?”_

_“I’m sorry…”_

_“Please don’t hate me.”_

Every time he looked down at his phone, a different message came in and he was starting to pity the guy. He should have seen it coming, now that he thought about it a little bit. Woohyun was always the only one in their group who seemed conflicted about bullying him. He always found some way to make Kibum’s life a little bit easier, to the point of allowing himself to be beaten up. He remembered catching him staring a couple of times. And the thing that stuck with him the most was the way he punched Yixing when the latter was in the middle of insulting him. Kibum had never seen that much fire in anyone’s eyes before.

He decides to reply with the only thing that made sense for him. Talking through text didn’t seem like the best thing.

_“I don’t hate you. Let’s talk tomorrow.”_

Jinki was sweet enough not to ask about it, even if he kept glancing Kibum’s way the whole night. The worried expression on his face told the young man that the senior was a really caring and loyal person. There really was so much more to Jinki than meets the eye.

He had to go home alone when Jinki and Jonghyun needed to start their shift for the evening. But not without the older walking him to the bus stop. It was so cute to see Jinki fussing over him getting on the correct bus safely. It was the perfect excuse to exchange numbers; not that he wouldn’t have given it whenever Jinki asked. He would text him when he got home, Kibum promised. It felt really nice to have someone care about him this way.

They spent the whole night exchanging messages. Kibum couldn’t remember the last time he smiled so much, even if he struggled with what to say. Every time his phone beeped, his heart jumped. And it was that way until he drifted off to sleep.

He wakes up in the morning with a jolt, worried that he didn’t properly say good night to Jinki. The last thing he remembers was the elder arriving home safely. Kibum frantically runs his hand through his sheets, searching for his phone.

_“I’ll just wash up for a bit. I’ll be quick.”_

_“I’m back… Are you ready to sleep?”_

_“Jonghyun Hyung kept asking questions about you. He’s hardly warm to new people, so he must have taken a liking to you. He says it’s been a while since he wanted to take care of someone.”_

_“Kibum?”_

_“Thank you… Even if today was too exciting, I enjoyed spending time with you.”_

_“You must be tired… We did have a long day, didn’t we? Sweet dreams, Kim Kibum…”_

_“I’ll pick you up at 7:00 tomorrow. Good night.”_

_“Good morning, Kibum. I hope you slept well.”_

_“I’m on my way to pick you up. I’ll wait at the corner of your street. Text you when I get there.”_

He looks at the time on his phone and jumps out of bed. He only has twenty minutes before he has to meet Jinki. It wasn’t long before he grabs his towel and hops in the shower, scrubbing his hair and body as fast as he could.

Usually, Kibum hates rushing in the morning like this. He’d rather be late by a few minutes than giving himself that kind of stress first thing in the morning. That’s the main reason that he plans his day well and wakes up at a perfect time for him to do everything at his own pace. Having anyone spring plans on him like this would usually make him angry, but how could he be angry at the chance to spend more time with Jinki?

The young man gets out of the bathroom and almost jumps at the sound of his phone. A text arrived and he wished quietly that it wasn’t Jinki telling him that he’d arrived.

_“Hi, Kibum. We’ll talk, right? Can I meet you by the old bench near the school?”_

_“I hope you can meet me there before class. I can’t wait anymore… Please.”_

It’s Woohyun.

Right. He completely forgot that he had to talk to this guy. The fact that Jinki was going to be with him gave him second thoughts about agreeing to what Woohyun wanted. It could be awkward. He certainly didn’t want a fight to happen because of him. But then again, having Jinki there to make sure that his classmate wouldn’t try anything funny gave him comfort. Besides, the sooner it was over, the better it would be for everyone.

_“Fine.”_

_“Thank you. I’m on my way. I’ll wait.”_

Kibum closes his eyes and groans. He quickly scrolls through his inbox and sends a message to the other boy who was expecting him this morning. How could he suddenly have these kinds of problems?

_“Hi, Jinki Hyung. I woke up late, but I’m almost done. See you at the corner of my street at 7.”_

_“Hi… Don’t rush... It’s okay. I’m almost there.”_

If he only knew how happy Kibum was. If he was doing it for Jinki, rushing wasn’t a problem at all; it was just a natural effect of being excited to see the one who holds a special place in your heart.

In the blink of an eye, he’s dressed and ready to go… But he frowns at himself in the mirror.

“This is as good as it’s gonna get,” he mumbles to himself, as he tugs on the collar of his uniform for the nth time. “Eomma, Appa, I’m going!”

He slams the door behind him and tries to hold his feet back from sprinting towards the end of his street. It wouldn’t be flattering to let Jinki see him so sweaty first thing in the morning, especially since he wasn’t satisfied with his looks, to begin with. He decides on a pace that’s squarely in the middle – not a jog, but also not a slow walk.

As soon as he catches Jinki’s eye, a bright smile creeps onto the elder’s face. He had never really seen him smile like this before. If he thought that Jinki was handsome before, it didn’t compare to how handsome he was when he smiled warmly like this. It made Kibum that much more nervous.

“Good morning,” the elder says, casually jogging up to Kibum’s side.

Jinki wasn’t wearing his trademark headphones today. It made him look completely different now that you could get an unobstructed view of his face… More handsome, if that was even possible. Kibum shrugs his shoulders, adjusting the heavy backpack he carried. He suddenly felt so self-conscious standing next to this handsome guy.

“Good morning… When you said you were coming over, I almost didn’t believe you.”

“I always do what I say,” Jinki says, looking down shyly at the sidewalk. He had never picked anyone up like this before. He was so happy to be the first person Kibum saw. “I wanted to walk to school with you… You know, just in case anyone gives you grief. I didn’t want you to be alone.”

Leave it to Jinki to be the sweetest boy he had ever met.

“Thanks,” he says, not being able to help the smile on his face. The younger was extremely relieved to have someone by his side. Somehow, Jinki always knew just what he needed. “And thank you for introducing me to Jonghyun. Because of him, I know way more about fighting than I care to, but it’s really useful.”

“Really?” Jinki replies. “I’m glad you learned something. I was worried that Jonghyun came on a little too strong, but I guess I shouldn’t have been. You held your own really well. I’ve never seen anyone put him in his place like you do.”

They both giggle remembering all the times that they kicked Jonghyun’s butt when he insisted on being the “bully” in their practice runs. They had never seen someone so happy about taking a nasty spill on a concrete floor before.

“Jonghyun Hyung was so nice to let me beat him up for the night,” Kibum replies. “I’m actually excited for my next lesson.”

“That’s good,” he replies, with a smile. “He was already telling me he couldn’t wait to teach us more as soon as you left. It’s a match made in heaven. But I think he wants to learn school stuff, too. I need to research more on what he needs.”

Kibum smiles back, feeling all warm and fuzzy. Hearing Jinki talk about spending more time together in the future made him giddy already. “Thank you for introducing me to your friends.”

“You introduced me to yours first,” Jinki says, his smile brightening up his face again. “So, thank you too…”

They turn away from each other, both embarrassed at how a slight blush had come on their cheeks. The next few steps were taken in silence as they did their best to calm their hearts.

“Jinki Hyung,” he says softly, getting ready to ask the one thing that had been bugging him since last night. “That place we went to… That was the back of a strip club, wasn’t it?”

The elder clutches the straps of his backpack tightly. He knew that this would come up and he already vowed to tell Kibum the truth, even if it meant potentially driving him away. But he wished so hard that it wouldn’t.

“Yeah… It was.”

“You and Jonghyun Hyung… You both work there?”

“Mmm, we take care of deliveries and the inventory for the bar and the kitchen… That’s all,” Jinki says, shyly. He couldn’t look at Kibum in the eye. The shame spiral he was on right now didn’t let him.

“I see,” Kibum replies, sensing Jinki’s discomfort. He immediately regrets asking about it in the first place. They walk a few more steps in silence, with the younger determined to drop the whole thing. The only way he was going to talk about it again is if Jinki decided to.

“I work there because… Because my Eomma works there. I just like being close to her and keeping an eye on her. She’s not doing too well right now…” Jinki says, his voice dropping even lower than it usually was. “I hope this can stay between us. Management and some of the ladies know that I’m her son, but that’s it. I’ve never told anyone that, not even Jonghyun. I’m not ashamed of my Eomma… It’s just that not everyone will understand.”

“Of course,” Kibum says, surprised that the elder trusted him. He would never do anything to jeopardize that. “You’re a really good son, Jinki Hyung. I mean it.”

As they walked closer to the school, Kibum was left with no choice but to tell his new friend that there was an intruder to their morning walk.

“Um, Jinki Hyung… I know I still owe you for saving me yesterday but… Could you do me another favor?”

“Anything,” Jinki says, sincerely. At this point, Kibum could ask for the stars and he would find some way to pluck them out of the night sky for him.

“Woohyun… I need to talk to him… Can you come with me? I’m just… Scared to be alone with him,” he says, kicking the pebbles on the sidewalk.

Jinki heaves a deep sigh. He never wanted that piece of work to come near Kibum again. But he knew that he didn’t have a say in what the younger wanted to do.

“You don’t need to talk to him with me… If you could just be nearby… So that I don’t lose my nerve.”

“Okay,” Jinki says, hesitantly. “When?”

“In a couple of blocks…”

The older whips his head to the side, shooting Kibum a concerned look.

“He asked me to talk to him before class… This is better, I guess,” Kibum says, feeling so defeated. If he could avoid talking to Woohyun at all, he would. But he also knows that nothing in life is ever resolved that way.

The elder could do nothing but sigh and nod his head. He didn’t like this one bit, but at least he had permission to keep an eye on that creep. Jonghyun’s lessons could be of use a bit earlier than he thought.

“Are you mad?”

“I’m going to kick his ass if he tries anything. You know that, right?”

Kibum nods his head silently and turns to look at Jinki. His eyebrows were furrowed, and he could have sworn that his hands were turning white with how tightly he clung onto the straps of his backpack. His sunshine smile was nowhere to be seen, and the younger felt guilty.

“I’m sorry,” he says, as they both turn the corner.

Jinki abruptly stops when he sees someone stand from the benches ahead of them.

“Kibum,” the elder says, stepping in front of him in a very protective way. It makes the younger’s heart flutter, but this was no time to be relishing in happiness.

He looks towards Woohyun who realizes that Kibum is not alone. His forlorn face turns into a fearful one, and he quickly hangs his head low.

He reaches out to squeeze Jinki’s arm. “I won’t be long.”

Kibum jogs over and takes a seat next to Woohyun, making sure that he had a good distance between them. They see Jinki leaning against a tree, watching the classmate closely. The look in his eyes sent shivers down Kibum’s spine. He never knew Jinki could look so scary and was partly relieved that that look wasn’t for him.

“How are you?” Kibum asks, worried that Yixing and those other oafs had already gotten to him even before the day had begun.

“I’m fine,” Woohyun says. “I know them. They’ll be pissed off for a while, but they won’t come for me any more than they have. It happens. To be honest, I’m more worried about you.”

“Don’t be,” the other boy says. “Minho and Taemin promised to meet me with their other buddies by the front gate, and Jinki Hyung is keeping an eye on things, too.”

“I can see that,” Woohyun says, nervously shuffling his feet. “He’s looking at me like he wants to kill me.”

“Jinki Hyung is so kind. He won’t hurt you…” he replies, trying to look into his friend’s eyes. “And don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. You guys have been after me for so long and you haven’t killed me yet.”

They both force a small smile and Kibum was happy that he was able to cut the tension, even just a little.

“He likes you,” Woohyun says, coldly. “I can tell.”

Kibum’s heart flutters with his classmate’s words but tries not to let it show. He had hoped that this was the case, but it felt different coming from someone else. It felt real.

“Do you like him back?”

Kibum looks down at his shoes, becoming very uncomfortable. He didn’t want to answer something so personal when he hadn’t even admitted that to himself out loud yet.

“You and Jinki don’t make sense. We do. You should like me instead,” Woohyun says, with conviction.

“What?”

“I really like you. We’ve been in the same section for the last two years. We grew up together. Can’t you think of all the times I’ve tried to be good to you? You know I care about you.”

The way he said the words made Kibum’s heart heavy, but he couldn’t ignore the truth just because he felt pity. He tries to explain himself calmly.

“The only thing I know is that you stood by and watched your friends bully me for all that time. You don’t know… You have no idea how difficult it’s been. One day of bravery can’t make up for all that, Woohyun. I can’t just forget everything that easily.”

“I can do more to make up for it. I can wait until you forget. I can be everything you tell me to be. Whatever you want, I’ll do it. Just… Don’t turn away from me, Kibum,” he says, his voice breaking. “I don’t think I can handle it.”

Kibum heaves a sigh and looks at his friend. He wants to understand where all of this is coming from, and he speaks gently – more gently than he has ever spoken to anyone in his life.

“Woohyun... We’re not even that close. We don’t even move in the same circles… We’re worlds apart. This is crazy. Do you realize how much you’re giving up? And how much you’re asking from me? What is it about this that you think is worth fighting for?”

Woohyun turns his body to face Kibum and reaches for his hand. The sudden movement makes Jinki alert. From the corner of his eye, Kibum sees Jinki stand in attention and take a few steps towards them. But his classmate stops at grasping his hand, and the elder slowly backs off.

“You’re the only one who ever saw the good in me,” he says, with tears in his eyes. “You make me feel like I can be better.”

Woohyun was baring his heart, and it was painful. Coming face-to-face with how much you are making someone else suffer is never easy. Tears come to his eyes, knowing that he’s about to break someone’s heart.

“I’m sorry,” he replies, squeezing his classmate’s hand. “I’m so sorry, Woohyun. I don’t think I can feel the same way for you. Thank you so much for seeing me in a good light. I hope you can forgive me one day.”

Kibum lets go of his classmate’s hand, stands up and returns to Jinki. The two leave Woohyun alone with his thoughts as they walk away together.

The elder couldn’t help but glance back at the bully and immediately felt sorry for him. He was hunched-over on that lonely park bench, his shoulders shaking with sobs.

Jinki struggled to keep up as Kibum walked faster to escape the sounds of Woohyun’s cries. All he wanted was to get this over with… But he didn’t realize until this moment exactly what he was so eager to do.

“Is everything okay?” Jinki asks, immensely concerned.

“Yeah,” Kibum says, wiping the tears from his eyes. Despite all the bad memories Woohyun had given him, he didn’t enjoy doing this… Not one bit. “Let’s just go to class.”

The two walk the next few blocks in silence, with Kibum’s sniffles the only sound made between them. Jinki couldn’t tear his eyes away from the younger, completely panicked about what to do. He wanted to comfort Kibum so much, but he had no idea how.

Jinki grabs his wrist and pulls the young man into a tight embrace. Kibum is stunned, and he looks up at the elder with tear-stained eyes.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, softly. “You should let it out.”

The young man couldn’t bring himself to hug Jinki back. He didn’t deserve anyone’s compassion – not like this. But the gesture was too overwhelming to ignore. Kibum lays his forehead on Jinki’s shoulder and sobs softly.

“It’s alright. I’m here.”


	9. Closer

They walked the rest of the way in silence.

Partly because they didn’t know what to say to each other after the awkward encounter; partly because they were worried about what Yixing had in store for them.

Jinki spent the last few minutes going through everything that Jonghyun had taught them to do. He was psyching himself up for a fight, and silently swearing that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to Kibum.

Despite the morning detour, they arrived in school with time to spare. As promised, Minho and Taemin were waiting for them both at the front entrance of the school. They were relieved to see that they wouldn’t be so outnumbered this time, even if they couldn’t count on Woohyun anymore.

“Hyungs!” Taemin says, running towards them. “Are you guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Jinki answers, almost immediately. He wasn’t used to someone in school caring about him this much… Or at all. He had to admit that it felt nice to have friends in this place. “Thank you, Taemin.”

“You guys don’t have to worry about those punks. They tried to wait for you but they’re gone now,” Minho says, confidently… Maybe a little too confidently.

“What did you do?” Kibum asks, his eyebrow raised in the air.

“Minho Hyung got some pink slips from the office today, especially for them. You’re not the only one they push around, Kibum Hyung. Other kids have complained about them, too. The office finally listened and allowed us to keep a very close eye on them.”

“Yep,” Minho says. “One wrong move and they go straight to the Vice-Principal for disciplinary measures, care of the pink slip.”

“What makes you so sure that they’ll be so scared of a piece of paper?” Jinki genuinely asks. He saw into those guys’ eyes. They’re not the type to care about such things.

“Because, Jinki Hyung,” Taemin says, a mischievous smile forming on his face. “A pink slip means that the office has to call your parents and put the details of the complaint into your permanent record.”

“They won’t dare jeopardize that when we’re preparing for application season. Brilliant,” Kibum beams.

“Don’t mess with my friends,” Minho says, waving the pad of pink slips in the air.

Kibum reaches out and lightly knocks him on the head. “Have you been sitting on this? Where was all this before, huh? I’ve been suffering for so long.”

“Ow! Hey, how was I supposed to know that they got to you, too? You never tell us these things. We thought they were just teasing you just like with everyone else.”

“I swear we had no idea, Kibum Hyung! We would have never let you face them alone if we did,” Taemin echoes. “If we knew, we could have gotten the slips a long time ago.”

“Huh?” Jinki asks. “If the slips are hard to get, what does Kibum have to do with it?”

“As soon as I said Kibum’s name, the Ahjummas in the office practically begged for me to write Yixing up with an offense! They love their best student too much. It’s not fair how fond they are of you when I’m the one always bringing them snacks,” Minho says with a frown.

“It’s probably because they know that you’re just trying to bribe your way onto their good side,” Kibum says, pulling Jinki’s arm and starting to walk towards the main entrance. “Come on, we might be late for class.”

Jinki’s breath hitches in his throat as soon as he felt Kibum’s hand grabbing his wrist. But his happiness is short-lived as someone wedges in between them and breaks their connection.

“Hey, Hyung,” Minho says, running up to the senior with a bright smile on his face. “Have you decided? About the fund-raiser? We could really use your help.”

Kibum turns his head, equally eager to hear Jinki’s answer.

“Well,” he says, scratching behind his ear. “I don’t suppose I can say no to you now that you’re saving my ass, can I?”

“Nope!” Minho replies, throwing his arm around the senior. “I’ll write you down okay? Art booth, right? Awesome.”

“YES!” Taemin says, enthusiastically. “One slot down!”

“I don’t know how to sell things, though,” Jinki says. “Honestly, I have no clue about prices and all that, so don’t count on getting a big contribution from me. I might just give in to anyone who tries to ask for a lower price.”

“Don’t worry,” Kibum says, smiling assuredly. “I’ll be beside you the whole time. No one can out-haggle me.”

The oldest smiles shyly, as he looks back at Kibum with gratefulness in his heart. Truth was, he was terrified of showing his work to anyone else – let alone have the audacity to ask for cash in exchange for it. But the chance to spend time with Kibum like this was too good to pass up. 

“That reminds me… Taemin, we have to see Mr. Park before the bell rings. He has to sign the permits, but…” Minho says, in a panic, his eyes throwing a concerned look to his friend.

“Crap. Jinki Hyung, can you take Kibum Hyung to class? All the bullies will be there… Please?” The youngest asks with pleading eyes.

“Of course,” he replies, shyly. “I was going to even before you asked.”

“You don’t need to be so worried about me,” Kibum says, making a fist and holding it up to show his friends how fierce he can be. “I know how to take care of myself now.”

“Oho, really? So, I guess I can throw these away now,” Minho says, waving the pink slips in the air.

“Uh,” Jinki says, immediately catching Minho arm and lowering it back to safety. “Maybe it’s a good idea to keep these in our back pockets for now.”

Taemin and Minho chuckle as Kibum pouts that his friends don’t seem to have any confidence in his fighting abilities.

“Don’t think about it so much, Kibum Hyung. Those guys should know their place by now,” Taemin says. “Let us know the minute they step out of line. Okay, Hyung? Promise me… Promise!”

“Alright, I promise,” he says, in surrender. “Go. The signature. You might miss him.”

“Right. Okay, bye,” Taemin waves furiously. “See you guys at lunch!”

“Jinki Hyung, he’s all yours. Don’t let him get beat up, ok? His Appa is gonna kill us,” Minho says. “Thanks!”

In a flash, the two were gone.

Jinki and Kibum throw each other relieved smiles, knowing that they didn’t have to worry as much about Yixing anymore. Not a shadow of their group could be felt, and it was too close to the beginning of class for them to do anything now. Besides, the hallways were still littered with people, so Jinki and Kibum felt somewhat safe.

“I’m glad you’re joining the fund-raiser,” Kibum says. “It’s gonna be fun.”

Jinki smiles back, as they turn the corner to the younger’s classroom.

As soon as they reach the doorway, they could see all the bullies throw them dagger looks. Yixing looked especially angry. Kibum was so thankful that Minho and Taemin were able to figure out a way to get the group off his back. He was quite sure that without their help, both he and Jinki would be bleeding on the floor by now.

“Are you going to be alright?” Jinki asks, never taking his eyes away from Yixing’s menacing stares.

“I’ll be okay,” he replies, taking a deep breath. “What Minho did was good. I know they won’t risk it.”

By this time, a lot of his classmates had noticed that he was just standing by the door and threw him curious looks. But there was only one person that he bothered to look back at. Woohyun’s eyes were so red and puffy. He was just sitting quietly at his desk, looking so miserable. Kibum feels a twinge of guilt in his heart.

“I have to go to class, too. I’ll be by to pick you up at lunchtime, okay?” Jinki says, gently.

“You don’t have to. I can meet you at the cafeter—”

“No,” he interrupts. “Don’t go anywhere alone.”

The look in Jinki’s eyes told Kibum that the elder was dead serious. There was nothing else for him to do but to quit being so stubborn.

“I won’t, Hyung. Thank you,” he replies. “See you later.”

“Go ahead,” Jinki says, nodding towards Kibum’s classroom. “I’ll watch you go in.”

Kibum nods and takes a deep breath, nervously making his way to his desk. The bullies have their eyes locked on him and it sent shivers down Kibum’s spine. Junmyeon’s jaw was clenched and Sungyeol’s fist was balled up. It felt like forever until he was able to reach his desk and sit down.

Once he was settled, he looks back at the door where Jinki was watching him carefully. He gives him a shy smile and waves his hand a little bit, to let the elder know that he was okay. The senior lingered a little bit before he turned and left.

“Your boyfriend is a bit too overprotective, don’t you think?” Yixing says. The smirk on his face was so annoying.

“I didn’t know you liked guys, Kibum,” Hoya retorts. “I doubt that guy can give you what you need. Maybe you should let me go on a ride sometime so that I can show you how it’s really done.”

The rest of his gang laughed, mocking Kibum. He knew what they were trying to do. But there was no way that he was going to give them the satisfaction of him making the first move. Kibum heaves a sigh and decides to let it go, pulling out the textbooks from his backpack.

To Minho’s credit, his plan worked beautifully. All they did all day was throw him insults and mock him. That much, he could take. But he had never been so happy to hear the lunch bell ring. He almost jumped out of his seat when he remembered what Jinki asked of him.

“See you later, fag,” Junmyeon says, as the rest of them laughed along.

Soon enough, they were gone and Kibum fiddled with his fingers as he waited for Jinki to arrive.

“Don’t let them get to you,” a soft voice tells him. “They’ll get tired eventually. I’ll talk to them.”

He looks up and sees Woohyun standing nearby, hands in his pockets. There was a solemn, almost embarrassed expression on his face.

“What do you mean you’ll talk to them? Don’t tell me you’re gonna crawl back to those assholes,” Kibum replies, genuinely concerned.

His classmate hangs his head, and Kibum could hear quiet sniffles coming from him. “I thought I would have someone to be with. But I don’t… Where else am I supposed to go?”

“Kibum, is he bothering you?”

Jinki is waiting at the door, his eyebrows furrowed and ready to swoop in.

“I was just leaving,” Woohyun says, softly. He scurries out of the room, not even bothering to look up at anyone. “Sorry.”

The senior follows Woohyun with his gaze before focusing on the one he came for. “Are you okay?”

Kibum nods his head and finally gets up from his seat. “Let’s have lunch.”

*****

It was a cozy spot that Kibum had never been to before. He was honestly surprised that there was something this nice in that area of town, and it reminded him to never judge anyone or anything by what it seemed. The café was inviting, and the staff was kind enough to let them hang out and study there.

“Hey,” Jonghyun says, smiling as Jinki and Kibum walked towards him. “How did it go? Did you get to use any of your new skills today?”

“No, thank God,” Kibum says, taking a seat beside his new friend. “The student government had their eyes on them the whole day.”

Jonghyun rolls his eyes and sighs. “Damn it. I thought you’d have battle scars by now.”

“You actually want us to get in trouble?” Jinki asks, smirking. “Don’t be like that.”

“I just want to know if what I taught helped,” he says. throwing his arm around Kibum’s shoulders and smiling at him warmly. “You guys are my best students. Can’t help it if I’m proud.”

Jinki didn’t expect the twinge of jealousy that he felt when he saw the two getting close. He hurriedly sat down in front of them, opening his backpack and pulling out a small stack of papers.

“I spent so much time at the guidance counselor’s office for you. These are what you need,” he says, shoving them aggressively towards Jonghyun. “Get these documents together and we’ll tutor you for the next exam.”

“Woah, woah,” Jonghyun says, completely shocked. “What exam? I didn’t sign up for any exams.”

“But we thought you wanted to get back into school?” Kibum asks. “You need to take a test for that, Hyung.”

“Yeah, man. There isn’t an easy way out for this one. Don’t worry. We can prepare for as long as you want to,” Jinki says, assuringly.

Jonghyun nervously shuffles through the papers, completely overwhelmed. “I don’t know half of these things. How am I supposed to learn this stuff?”

“You don’t have to do it alone, you know,” Kibum says, smiling.

Jinki nods his head in agreement and smiles at his friend. At that moment, he realized just how much Jonghyun really wanted this. He knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t be this worried if he didn’t care. 

“Logic, language, science, maths… Where do I even start?”

“Here,” Kibum says, handing him a thick and worn-out notebook. “Go through this and tell me which part you remember. We can go through everything you have trouble with and then I’ll teach you the newer stuff.”

“What’s that?” Jinki asks.

“It’s my practice notebook for maths. I’ve had it since fifth grade, I think? This is to practice some equations for fun.”

The two elder boys turn their heads to stare squarely at Kibum with pure shock and wonder.

“What…?” He says, becoming increasingly shy by the minute. “I like maths…”

“Maybe Jonghyun isn’t the only one you can tutor, by the looks of it,” Jinki teases.

Kibum lightly swats Jinki’s arm in response. It was enough to appease the elder from his small bout of jealousy.

“That takes care of maths, but what about the other things?” Jonghyun asks, his eyebrows furrowed. “There’s so much I have to learn.”

“We’ll make a plan,” Jinki says. “Let’s take it one step at a time. Don’t overthink it. Just focus on learning as much as you can each day. You’ll do great.”

“Yeah, Hyung,” Kibum smiles. “You have us.”

Jonghyun returns the smiles to his friends, his eyes glazing over with tears. “Thank you.”

*****

“Where have you been?”

The hairs on the back of Kibum’s neck stood on end. The tone of his Appa’s voice couldn’t be good. He closes the door behind him quietly and walks into the living room, where his parents were waiting.

“Don’t let me repeat myself, Kibum,” he says, coldly.

“I’m sorry, Appa… Eomma,” Kibum answers, his voice trembling. “I was just studying with friends. I came home as soon as you texted me. I didn’t know you were waiting for me…”

“You missed dinner, Kibum… Your Appa and I tried to wait for you,” his Eomma says, stroking his Appa’s arm as if to soothe him. They all knew what was about to happen if the elder’s temper got out of hand. Both mother and son were desperate to calm things down.

Kibum hangs his head in regret. He may have avoided a beating at school, but he couldn’t avoid one that happened at home.

“You’ve been out late the past couple of days. Don’t think we don’t notice,” his Appa says. “What exactly have you been doing?”

“Just studying, Appa.”

“Do you have exams coming soon, Kibum? Are you helping Minho and Taemin?” His Eomma asks, hoping to help him out.

“Uh… Yes, Eomma,” Kibum says, nodding his head. He didn’t mean to lie about who he was with. But he was getting desperate. “We were just reviewing our lessons.”

An awkward silence fills the air as the young man stands there, waiting for what his parents wanted from him.

“What is this about? I thought we already talked about this.”

His father holds up an opened white envelope. From this distance, Kibum could already tell who it was from, and his heart started to race.

“I… Just… My teacher told me that he would submit my name for the open house and I said that I didn’t mind… Only a few students from the whole country get invited… I just wanted to try if I could—”

“This university is in Seoul. It’s out of the question,” his father says, sternly. “Are you deliberately going against my wishes?”

“Dear, maybe a visit to Seoul wouldn’t hurt,” his Eomma chimes in. “We could all go and make a trip out of it. This is a big honor, and it’s one of the best schools… Maybe—”

“My decision is final,” he says, tearing the envelope into pieces. “You are not going to school away from this family. Do you understand?”

Kibum’s lips tremble as he watches his invitation get ripped to shreds. It was so hard to hide his immense disappointment. He didn’t even get the chance to hold it in his hands.

“Y-Yes, Appa,” he answers, his voice shaking.

His father stands up and walks toward him, making the young man so scared. He doesn’t dare lift his eyes up – scared to provoke his father even more.

“If you ever disobey me again,” he says, taking Kibum’s jaw into his hand. “I swear. You’ll curse the day you were born.”


	10. Promise

He was trying his best not to be worried. Jinki hadn’t heard from Kibum since he texted that he was near his house, and it had been many hours since then. He had successfully fought off the urge to show up at Kibum’s house unannounced, reminding himself that it wasn’t his place. The worry still managed to overwhelm him, though. Jinki was moving so robotically that he didn’t even realize that he had already arrived at his own house.

Opening the door, he noticed something wasn’t right and a feeling of dread came over him.

“Appa,” he calls out in the darkness. “Appa?”

As usual, the television was on and it filled the house with white noise. Also, as usual, were the empty beer bottles strewn haphazardly on the floor. Jinki kicks one with his foot, before finding the light switch and turning it on.

“Appa,” he says, as the light reveals the person he was searching for. He runs towards him as quickly as he could.

The elder was crouched into a corner, covering his ears and crying like a child. Jinki had never seen his Appa like this, and it scared him – even more than their last encounter. Somehow, seeing his father so vulnerable shook him to his core.

Even if he had taken on the role of taking care of his parents, Jinki had never thought himself to be stronger than them. In his heart, he was still the young boy who relied on them and hung on to their every word. He convinced himself that this was just a phase and that things would return to normal in time. But now, he was confronted with the ugly truth. The man that he had looked to and admired for all his life, was reduced to this. His father had become a shell of what he once was.

“Appa,” he repeats, kneeling down beside him and taking him into his arms. “What happened? Appa? Can you hear me?”

“J-Jinki,” his father replies, with a chilling look in his eye. His eyes were beyond just being sad. He seemed so hopeless. The heavy smell of alcohol was on his breath, and he was shivering despite it being a relatively warm night.

“Appa,” he says, gently, pulling his father into an embrace. “What happened? Do you want to go to the hospital?”

The elder Lee freely weeps into his son’s shoulder, as if the whole world was falling apart around him.

“Jinki,” he croaks out, in between sobs. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… You deserve so much more than I’ve been able to give you… You deserve a father who is so much better than me…”

“Appa,” Jinki says, chuckling through the tears forming in his own eyes. “What are you talking about? We’re fine, right? I’m fine… Stop talking like that. We’re okay.”

“I don’t know how it got to this,” his Appa says, weeping. “Please forgive me… I just don’t know what else to do… I don’t know what to do…”

“It’s okay,” he replies, choking back sobs. He could no longer hold back his tears as his father freely said all the things he had been waiting for years to hear. “It’s okay… There’s nothing to forgive…”

Jinki starts to get up and lifts his father with him. The pair stumbles their way into the elder’s bedroom.

“You need to rest. You’ve been drinking all day, haven’t you?”

His father nods his head groggily in response, as Jinki struggles to support his weight. They finally get into the room and he lays his Appa down as gently as he could. All the while, the elder’s sobbing doesn’t stop.

“I’m sorry,” he says, softly, slowly losing his consciousness. “I’m sorry…”

Jinki stays by the elder’s side until he was certain that he had fallen asleep. Even as he drifted off, his father let out some sobs. The younger couldn’t help but cry with him as well.

The truth was, he was tired. Part of him wanted to be angry at his father for putting him through all of this, but at the same time, he couldn’t bring himself to. All of them were in pain. And they were just doing their best.

“Sleep well, Appa,” Jinki says, turning off the lights and tucking in his own father. 

*****

“Good morning,” Jinki says, a smile on his face. He was leaning against the street post as if he had been there for a while.

Kibum jogs towards him, embarrassed that he made his Hyung wait. By no means did they live close to each other. Even if he was always happy to see the senior, he was shy about having him make this much of an effort for him.

“You really don’t have to keep waiting for me, Hyung,” Kibum says, shyly. “Yesterday was more than enough.”

“I know I don’t have to… I want to,” the elder replies.

Kibum smiles, surprised by Jinki’s sweet response.

“Here,” Kibum says, handing over a paper bag to the senior.

“What’s this?”

“I got you something,” he says. “It’s not much… I wanted to make up for making you worry about me last night… Sorry about that. Some stuff happened and I just wanted to sleep it off. Anyway, I thought you might like these.”

Jinki was stunned. It wasn’t long ago when Kibum gave him the bracelet. He wasn’t used to being showered with gifts like this. 

“Go ahead,” Kibum says, with a warm smile on his face. “Open it.”

The elder gingerly opens the package, looks inside, and immediately whips his head towards Kibum—not believing what he was being given.

“I-I can’t accept this, Kibum… This is too much…”

“Relax, Hyung,” the younger says, his happiness bursting through. Jinki obviously liked the gift if he was feeling overwhelmed about it. “These are mostly stuff I have in my room that I bought for some projects, but never used. Don’t worry.”

No wonder it was so heavy. The bag was filled to the brim with art supplies: brushes, poster paints, liners… It was everything that he could ever need to finish a piece exactly as he imagined it.

“I figured this will help you sell more stuff at the fair… I’m just not sure what medium you like best, so I kinda threw everything in there.”

Jinki is quiet for a while, staring at all the things that were included in Kibum’s present. The younger watches him carefully, nervous to say anything first.

“A canvas?”

“Yeah,” the younger responds, pointing to the items inside. “I did a bad painting for one of my projects recently and the canvases came in packs of three. I only used one… So…”

“… I’ve never used a canvas this nice before,” he says, trying not to let Kibum catch on to how overwhelmed he is. “Th-thank you, Kibum. This is… Thanks.”

“No problem, Hyung,” he responds, as they look at each other with bright smiles on their faces.

They start to walk towards school when Kibum stops in his tracks, remembering to ask the question that had wanted to ask for a while now.

“Where are your earphones?”

Jinki was staring at the sidewalk, deep in thought. His mind was still on his new art supplies. He had so many ideas and was carefully planning what to do when he got home.

“Hyung,” Kibum says, with a smile.

“Hmm?”

“I said, what happened to your earphones? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without them like this,” the young man says.

“Ahh… They’re in my bag,” he says, shrugging his shoulders as if to point to his bag. They resume walking. 

“Why don’t you wear them like you used to? Are they broken or something?”

“No,” Jinki says, a shy smile reappearing on his face. “I used to always wear because I didn’t have friends to talk to. They helped me get through the day and not feel so alone. But I don’t need them right now. I have you.”

“Oh,” the younger replies. “I see…”

“Hey, Kibum… Since we’re talking,” the elder says, his eyes filled with concern. “Can I ask about what happened last night?

Kibum clutches the straps of his backpack as he decided whether or not to tell the senior. He looks over at the senior and is moved by the look in his eyes. The younger never dared to talk about this with anyone – not even Minho or Taemin. But he felt really safe with Jinki.

“My Appa got mad,” he says. “I got an invite to the open house for Seoul University.”

Jinki’s eyes widen in surprise. Everyone knows how prestigious that is. His heart started to beat faster, as he realized that Kibum was much more special than he initially thought.

“Wow, Kibum. That’s amazing! Congratulations! Wait. Your Appa got mad? Why?”

“They don’t want me to go to uni far from here,” Kibum says, looking ahead. He didn’t want to let Jinki see the tears forming in his eyes. He thought he could bear to talk about this, but he underestimated just how much this all broke his heart. “My parents are set on keeping an eye on me. He thought I was being disobedient and sent in an application anyway.”

The elder falls silent. He couldn’t believe that a dream son like Kibum would have any problems convincing his parents to get the best education available for him. Jinki felt so bad for the younger, knowing how hard he has been working to achieve his goals. It wasn’t hard for him to imagine how painful this whole thing was for Kibum.

“So, you’re not going?”

“How can I?” Kibum says, fighting to smile through the sadness. “It’s so far away. I’ve never been to the city and I don’t even have their permission. It’s not like I can go there secretly.”

“Why not?” Jinki asks, a mischievous smile spreading on his face.

“Huh? What are you saying, Hyung?”

“I mean it,” he says, excitement shining in his eyes. “We can get Minho and Taemin to help cover up for you… It’s only for a day. We can leave early and come back on the same day. It would be tiring, sure, but we can do it.”

“We?” Kibum asks, stopping in his tracks to look Jinki in the eye.

“Yeah,” the elder says, his ears turning red as he realized how presumptuous he was. “I mean, if you want some company, I can go with you… Only if you want to.”

“You really don’t need to do that,” he replies, trying to hide his smile.

“When is it?”

“Next month,” Kibum says.

“Great. We have time,” Jinki says. “Remind me to figure out how much we’re gonna need to get there and stuff like that. I’m sure my Hyungs at work can help us out. But the tricky thing is how to get around your parents. Maybe Minho and Taemin have some ideas, too. Let’s talk to them at lunch.”

There was suddenly a spring in the elder’s step. He was elated at the chance to do something meaningful for Kibum.

“Hyung,” the younger says. “Seriously… I don’t want to burden you like this.”

“It’s your dream, right?” he replies, looking directly into his eyes.

Kibum nods his head.

“Then we’re going to have to make it happen,” Jinki says. “It’s not a question. We’re going.”

There was nothing else the younger wanted to do but to smile. He nods his head and for the first time, felt like he could have hope for his future. 

*****

“Ahh, I finally get it,” Jonghyun says, loud enough for most of the other patrons in the café to turn around and stare at them. “How could it be that easy?? You mean to tell me it was this easy all this time??”

His eyes were wide open, and he was smiling so broadly that you’d think they discovered the cure for cancer. Kibum had never seen someone this excited about solving for “x” before.

“It’s just like a puzzle, Hyung,” Kibum says, leaning forward to show him his own practice sheet from last year’s lessons. “Look, I did it a little differently, but you got the same answer. There are many ways to do it, but it always leads to the same end. Just be brave. Have fun figuring out how to get there, and you’ll never see maths as a burden again.”

“Maths? Fun? I don’t know about that, Kibum… With everything you guys are making me learn, I think maths is the least fun. Maybe you just enjoy school way too much. We should all go out one night and show the both of you what fun really means,” Jonghyun says, elbowing Jinki to his right.

Both of them look over at Jinki, expecting him to scold Jonghyun about paying attention as he usually did, but the older man didn’t even look up. 

“Are you okay, Hyung?” Kibum asks.

“Yeah, man. What’s with you?” Jonghyun echoes, both turning their attention completely to the eldest.

Jinki hasn’t said a word for the past half-hour or so, even if Jonghyun was bubbling with questions. All he did was idly sketch in his notebook only to cross it out furiously a few minutes later.

He sighs and finally looks up at his friends. “The fund-raiser is stressing me out. I don’t have anything good enough to sell.”

“What are you talking about,” Jonghyun says, snatching the notebook from right under Jinki’s nose.

The elder starts to protest, but there was no way that he was about to fight Jonghyun for his notebook back. He flips through the pages, carefully studying each sketch, with Kibum trying to sneak a peek from across the table. Everything was upside-down from the younger’s vantage point, but it was enough to make his heart start beating a little bit faster. He almost forgot how talented Jinki was.

“Dude… What… Are you kidding? These are great!”

“You think so?” Jinki says, scrunching his nose.

“Yeah, man! I didn’t know you were this good. Is this why you’re not coming in to work the next couple of nights?”

Jinki nods his head, taking his notebook back. “I don’t have much finished work and I need to fill up a whole booth.”

“I know what you mean,” Kibum says. “I haven’t made a dent for my inventory either. I wonder how many nights I have to stay up to finish making enough accessories.”

“You make accessories?” Jonghyun asks.

“He does,” Jinki says, smiling proudly. He proudly shoots his wrist out and shows his friend his most cherished possession. “Look.”

“Woah,” he says, admiring the leather bracelet. He runs his fingers through the strap and doesn’t feel any rough edges at all. “Looks like I have really talented friends.”

“Thanks… What about you, Hyung?” Kibum asks. “Anything you like to do in your free time? We could sell some at our tables! Right, Jinki Hyung?”

“Nah,” he says, crouching down into his practice notebook. “I have nothing like what you guys have. It’s stupid.”

“C’mon, man,” Jinki says. “You can tell us.”

The young man looks back and forth at his Hyung and Dongsaeng with worried eyes. He desperately wants to tell them but he’s afraid to get laughed at. But their warm and expectant smiles are enough to drive his fears away.

He shyly takes the bag hanging from the back of his chair and turns it around to reveal a wooden keychain in the shape of an anime character. Jinki has no idea what it is and furrows his eyebrows to take a closer look.

“Totoro!” Kibum exclaims, clasping his hands together in glee. “You made this??”

“Sort of,” Jonghyun says. “I carve random pieces of wood when I have nothing better to do. That’s why I like walking through parks a lot… I look for broken pieces from trees and turn them into these. I’ve got a lot of them over the years, actually.”

“Cool!” the younger says. “I’m definitely going to need some for myself. Do you have any of Porco?? That’s my favorite one.”

“I’ll trade you a Porco keychain for a bracelet,” Jonghyun replies with a smile.

“Deal! And give me a few more pieces for us to sell at the fund-raiser okay? Everyone will love these! It’ll sell like hotcakes, guaranteed! I’ll cover your 10% myself, Hyung. You should make some money from there,” he replies.

“Deal!”

The two shake hands enthusiastically.

“Am I missing something…?” Jinki says, scratching his head. “Am I supposed to know who this is?”

Jonghyun’s eyes light up and he takes a deep breath, preparing to unleash the wonderful world of Studio Ghibli to Jinki when a pale finger wags in front of his face.

“Ah, ah, ah! Save it for next time. We have to get through this workbook by the end of this week, remember?” Kibum says, tapping on the cover of his book.

“Oh, yeah,” he replies, deflated. “Wait, what time is it?”

“A bit past five. Why?” Jinki says.

“Shit. I promised Yunho Hyung I would be there at 5:30,” he says, chugging back the rest of his iced americano like it was a shot of vodka. He gulps it all down and ruffles Jinki’s hair. “Lots to do because of you!”

Jinki rolled his eyes and fusses over his tousled hair.

“Bye, guys! Thanks for everything. You’ll have dinner at home, right? I’ll take this,” he says, reaching over to grab the rest of Kibum’s sandwich and quickly taking a bite. “See ya.”

“Bye, Hyung,” Kibum says, chuckling.

“Are you done?” Jinki asks. “We should go, too. The next bus doesn’t arrive till late.”

“Oh,” Kibum says, looking around at the table to check for any food leftover. Thanks to Jonghyun, there really wasn’t much left. He had the appetite of a horse. “Okay. Let’s go then.”

They walk to the bus stop which wasn’t that far away from the café.

“It’s nice to have someone to go home with for a change,” Kibum smiles. “I’ve gotten used to the both of you leaving at this hour.”

“I’m sorry,” Jinki says, looking over at the young man.

“Huh? No, I’m not upset about that at all… I was just saying… It’s nice to have you here… I mean, it’s nice to have someone with me,” Kibum says, turning his face away abruptly.

The bus arrives and the two get on, finding seats near the back.

He was looking out the window of the moving bus, and Jinki still couldn’t believe how lucky he was to sit next to Kim Kibum. As each day passed, they got more and more comfortable with one another. Jinki could finally feel Kibum letting his guard down slowly.

“Jinki Hyung,” he says. “Can I see your notebook?”

“Uh,” the elder croaks out, panic coming over him.

“I couldn’t look at it very well back at the café… Please?” He says, a slight pout forming on his lips.

Jinki wanted to melt into a puddle right there in the middle of the crowded bus. How could he ever say no to Kibum like this? But at the same time, he didn’t want to give in so quickly… Not when he wanted to see more of this side of him.

“These are just rough sketches… None of them are final or anything...”

“C’mon… How come Jonghyun Hyung got to see it? Unfair,” he says, playfully crossing his arms over his chest.

“What about I show you some of the stuff once I’ve finished? You’ll be the first to see it all.”

Kibum’s smile breaks through, and his dimples make an appearance. Jinki feels like an arrow was shot straight to his heart.

“Really?” He asks, smiling even more sweetly than a second ago. “Promise?”

In response, Jinki holds out his pinky finger.

“What’s that?”

“You’ve never made a pinky promise before?” Jinki responds, in shock. His pinky was still frozen up in the air, with the younger simply staring at it in confusion.

“No,” Kibum says, feeling embarrassed that he had no idea what the elder was talking about.

Jinki smiles and holds out his hand, showing the younger how it was done. “Do it like this, Kibum.”

He shyly does as he was told and was in shock when Jinki hooks their pinky fingers together.

“This started in Japan… Called ‘yubikiri’ which means ‘finger cut-off,’” Jinki explains.

“Hey,” Kibum says, pulling his hand back in a hurry.

“I’m kidding,” Jinki says, laughing.

The elder reaches out for Kibum’s hand and fixes it to the proper form himself. They were both surprised at just how electrifying the other’s touch was.

“This is binding,” Jinki says, hooking their fingers for the second time. “It means unwavering trust. We can never break our word to one another about this… Ever.”

Kibum could feel his throat becoming drier and drier as Jinki stared at him this way.

“So, do you want to ask me about showing you my work again?”

The younger clears his throat and manages to build his strength up to ask Jinki a second time. “Promise?”

“I promise.”


	11. Resolutions

Kibum was starting to get used to Jinki being constantly by his side.

Each day was the same: he would get picked up at the corner of the street, taken to class, picked up at lunch, taken back to class, picked up at the end of the day. The rest of it all depended on whether Jinki had work or they both had to see Jonghyun. But one thing was for sure: Jinki was there. Jinki was always there.

For the first time in a long time, Kibum didn’t feel alone anymore. He often wondered why the older made such an effort to be around him this way but was too afraid to ask. In his heart of hearts, he wished that he was able to be there for Jinki as much as he was there for him. He didn’t know how else to express his gratitude.

Jinki also became a permanent fixture at their table, getting closer to Taemin and Minho with each passing day. He almost forgot how it felt to have friends, and it amazed him how easily Kibum could come to them for help.

“But I’m kinda scared of your Appa,” Taemin says, his words muffled by the food that filled his cheeks. “Do we have to lie to him?”

“Technically, you don’t have to lie if he doesn’t ask you anything,” Kibum answers, nonchalantly, hoping that he was doing a good job of playing down the situation. 

“Are you sure he won’t?” Taemin asks again, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah, Kib,” Minho chimes in. “You know I’d do anything for you, but going behind your Appa’s back is gonna be tricky.”

“Which is why I planned things out so well, see?” He replies, taking out a notebook from his backpack and flipping to a worn-out page, its lines blurred from repeated passes from an eraser. “I calculated how long everything is going to take, so that I can be sure that I’m back home before he and Eomma realize I’m gone.”

“Wow,” Taemin says, eyes wide. “You’ve really thought this through, haven’t you?”

Jinki, who has been quiet through this whole exchange, cranes his neck to catch a glimpse of Kibum’s detailed itinerary. He had never seen this side of the young man before, and it was fascinating to discover how much of a type-A personality he could be. 

“You planned all of it to the minute? Impressive. Peak nerd,” Minho teases, a smile forming in the corner of his lips. 

“Can you please just read it?” Kibum says, rolling his eyes. 

Minho keeps quiet, his stare fixed on the sheet before him. 

“Are you really, really sure that everything will go according to plan?”

“There’ll be two of us to make sure that everything will be alright,” Jinki says, finally chiming in.

“Oh? You’re going with him, Hyung?” Minho asks. 

“He didn’t want to go if he was alone, so…”

Taemin suddenly squeaks and slams a hand on the table, his eyes lighting up brightly.

“Why can’t we all go then?? Wouldn’t it be better if all four of us go? That way, we wouldn’t have to lie to your Appa at all! We never got to celebrate my birthday, I can ask my parents for some money and the train tickets can be on me! What do you think?”

“You would do that…?” Kibum asks, in complete surprise. 

“Of course, Hyung! No problem at all,” Taemin says, smiling widely. 

“It’s a great idea! I’ve always wanted to take a trip with you guys! It’s gonna be so much fun. We can go around while we wait for you, Kib! No big deal,” Minho says, seconding the plan. 

“Would you guys mind if we take one more person with us?” Jinki says, suddenly interjecting. “My friend Jonghyun is a great guy… I think it’ll be fun to take him, too. I can pay for his way.”

“Jonghyun Hyung! Yes, that’ll be so much fun! You guys will love him, he’s so funny!” Kibum says, getting excited about the trip, too. 

“He’s your friend too? Cool!” Minho says. “It’s fine with me if it’s okay with Taemin.”

“Sure,” Taemin says, happy that Jinki was finally letting them into his world somehow. “Don’t worry about paying extra, I’m sure it’ll be fine with my folks.”

“Awesome!” Jinki says. “Thanks guys! I really appreciate it!”

“Me too,” Kibum echoes. “Thank you so much… This is going to make things ten times easier--”

Their planning was interrupted by a loud crash from near the entrance of the cafeteria. Everyone’s heads whip around to find a feeble freshman on the floor, his tray of food splattered around him. Loud laughter erupts from Yixing and his crew, and it was crystal clear that they were all up to no good. Kibum’s eyes look for the exact perpetrator, and is horrified to realize that it wasn’t just any bully that caused the poor freshman to trip and fall down…

“Nam Woohyun?” Minho asks. “I’ve never seen him do that before. Definitely Yixing… Maybe Junmyeon… But not Woohyun.”

“I’m so glad we’re not on duty right now,” Taemin says, as they observe the student marshals trying to restore order. 

The student marshals take the freshman to the nurses’ office to check for injuries as they hand a demerit slip to Woohyun. Yixing and his friends obnoxiously applaud the gesture, as if getting a demerit was something to be proud of. 

“Assholes,” Jinki says, his tone dripping with disdain.

“I’ll be right back,” Kibum says, getting up from his seat.

“Kibum, don’t,” Jinki says, lightly grabbing his arm to try to hold him back. 

“It’s okay. Minho has them by the balls. They wouldn’t dare do anything to me in front of everyone, especially after that. I just want to talk to Woohyun.”

Jinki clenches his jaw in disapproval, but he knew there was nothing he could do to stop this. 

“We’ll be right here if you need us,” the elder says in defeat. 

They all watch as Kibum makes his way to the table that most people steered clear from. Jinki was ready to defend him in a heartbeat if he had to, and he knew that Minho and Taemin wouldn’t be far behind. Seeing Kibum be around those guys always made him nervous. 

“Woohyun,” Kibum calls out, just before the other makes his way back to his table. 

Woohyun is surprised at Kibum’s presence and smirks. 

“What do you want, Kibum? Make it quick.”

“What are you doing?” 

“Having lunch, and so are you,” he replies, smugly. 

“I mean it, Woohyun. What are you still doing with those guys? It hasn’t even been a week since they tried to beat you up, remember? I was there, too.”

“Why? Who do you want me to sit with?” Woohyun asks, shooting a glance at Kibum’s friends who were watching intently. “Those guys? With you and Jinki? Really?”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Kibum says, sighing in frustration. “I think you’re better than them, that’s all…”

“I know. I’m better than them, but not good enough for you, right?”

The pain in Woohyun’s eyes sends a pang of guilt through Kibum strong enough to make eyes brim with tears. It was one of his worst fears to cause pain to anyone, even to a guy that put him through so much misery. The confirmation that Woohyun was making such a self-destructive choice because of him tore him up inside. 

“Woohyun, that’s not it. I never meant to--”

“Forget it,” the other boy says, trying so hard to make it seem like he didn’t care. “You have your crowd, and I have mine. Maybe we’re both wrong about who I really am. This is how things should be.”

“Nam Woohyun!” Yixing bellows, loud enough for the entire room to hear. “Don’t spend too long with Kim, the queerness might rub off on you!”

His entire table roared with laughter, the rest of the school murmuring at the bully’s insinuation about Kibum. The young man couldn’t care less. All he wanted was to make sure that Woohyun would be alright but it was glaringly obvious that he wasn’t.

The heartbroken boy casts him one last look - a mixture of regret, pain and longing - before he wills himself to wordlessly step away. There was nothing more he could do than to watch Woohyun go back to that dishonorable bunch. Kibum hangs his head low as he walks back to his friends as well, utterly disappointed in himself. 

“Are you ok, Hyung?” Taemin asks, quite concerned. “We can give them the pink slip right now if you want us to.”

“No, don’t. I’m fine,” he replies, doing poorly at convincing anyone else. 

“Are you sure?” Jinki asks.

Kibum glances back at Yixing and his crew who were all rowdily talking with each other, except for one person. Woohyun stares off into space and quickly wipes his cheek, getting rid of the tears before anyone else could notice. 

“Not really...”

*****

Since lunch, Kibum wasn’t really himself. He hardly spoke to anyone, even when he and Taemin tried to talk about their upcoming trip to Seoul. It worried everyone - Jinki, the most. The pair walked in virtual silence, a stark contrast to the fairly chatty Kibum he had gotten to know. 

“You’ve been so quiet,” Jinki says, more like he was asking a question rather than stating the obvious. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

Kibum kicks up a few pebbles from the sidewalk, and watches as the tiny specks of rock scatter in front of them. The walk home seemed longer than usual, even with Jinki by his side. 

“I know it bothers you… What Woohyun is doing… You really care about him, don’t you?”

“Not in that way, but yeah, I guess,” Kibum says. “It’s not fun to see anyone spiraling.”

There was nothing special about the words that the younger man said, but the intentions behind those words moved Jinki greatly. 

“How do you do it? How can you be so kind to him after everything he’s done to you?”

“Am I really?” Kibum scoffs. “I broke his heart… I don’t think that’s kindness at all.”

“It is if it’s the truth,” Jinki says. “If you pretended to like him just so you could save his feelings, then that’s the cruelest thing you could do. At least you were honest with him. A sweet lie is never better than the bitter truth.”

“You sound like a fortune cookie,” Kibum says, chuckling. 

Jinki’s cheeks turn crimson. He was never any good at comforting people but with Kibum, he was willing to try. The pair’s laughter cut through the heaviness that both of them felt and instantly made them feel much better.

“Well, Taemin and Minho are even more excited than you are about the trip,” Jinki says, trying to talk about something else. “It was really sweet of them to help out like that. I can’t wait to tell Jonghyun.”

“It surprised me, too. They seem so happy about it. I guess I should be leaning on them more than I have.”

“I get it, believe me. Sometimes it’s hard to ask for help.”

Kibum nods along, relieved that he didn’t have to explain himself. All those late nights tutoring Taemin, or his role managing Minho’s campaign for student government gave him such joy. He knew that they were itching to return the favor, but the truth was he never thought himself worthy to receive their help for anything. Their loyalty and support for him at this time meant the world to him, and thinking about it almost overwhelms his emotions. It was a good thing that his train of thought was interrupted by Jinki’s laughter. 

“Listen to me acting like I have anyone to ask help from in the first place,” he says.

The older tried his best to hide it, but the loneliness in his voice was palpable. 

“You do,” Kibum says, gently. “At least, you do now.”

Jinki is stunned by the gesture. No one has ever expressed friendship to him in this way. The pair walk the rest of the way in more silence - comfortable silence this time, as the older tries to think of something to say. 

“I’m sorry I can’t hang out with you today,” he replies. 

“It’s alright,” Kibum replies. “I need to start on that research paper before I lose any more time. Plus the stuff for the fair… I really don’t mind. I’m more worried about you, actually. Will you be okay with having time to do homework?”

“I’m used to staying up after work to do school stuff… I hardly get to sleep. Before I met you guys I would just doze off at lunch.”

“Oh… How about now?”

Jinki shrugs his shoulders and smiles. “I don’t mind having less sleep. Being around you is much better at giving me energy, I think.”

Kibum smiles, turning away to hide the blush threatening to invade his face. The older’s little comments make him hope that there could be something more than friendship there, but he didn’t want to get ahead of himself. 

“Home,” he says, as they come to the end of Kibum’s street. 

“I’ll stay here until you get inside safely,” Jinki says, standing by the street sign as he usually did.

“Thanks for walking home with me again, Hyung… Bye.”

They wave small goodbyes at each other, as Kibum walks the few steps alone towards his house. Just before he walks out of earshot, Jinki calls to him. 

“Hey Kib,” Jinki calls out, just before the young man walks out of earshot. “About Woohyun… It’s not your fault, okay? Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Kibum really needed to hear that. He flashes Jinki the sweetest smile before he turns and walks off, the blush on his cheeks finally having room to grow. 

*****

His Eomma was more alert today. She didn’t slur her words, would look Jinki in the eye, and actually talked to him about his life. Even if he so desperately wanted to, the young man didn’t dare ask why. Besides, he didn’t know how long this would last. He decides to just take a bite from his sandwich and savor the moment.

“You seem different, Sweetheart,” she says, smiling. She ruffles his hair to express her fondness of him. It didn’t matter what state she was in. Seeing Jinki was always the highlight of her day.

“Different?”

“In a good way,” she continues, the look in her eyes almost that of relief. She was scared that she wouldn’t be able to see her son happy like this. “Is school going well? Or… Don’t tell me you’re grown up enough to have someone special already…”

Jinki smiles shyly. “School is going great, Eomma…”

Whether she was in a haze or not, she was still a mother. It was easy for her to tell that Jinki had a new sparkle in his eye. “You’re leaps and bounds smarter than your father and I ever were, so I trust you. But don’t forget to be safe, okay? I can get you protection if you need it. Just ask.”

“Oh, God…” Jinki whines, completely shocked that this was the first thing his mother would think about.

“I’m just saying,” she replies, shrugging her shoulders. “Things are going well for you. I don’t want you catching anything or getting someone pregnant right now.”

“Eomma, nooo,” he says, a crimson coming across his face. He shouldn’t be that surprised with how open his mother was with him about this, but it was still awkward. “It’s not even like that. Besides, even if it was, I wouldn’t have to worry about getting him pregnant. It’s impossible.”

She slowly turns her head towards her son with wide eyes. “What did you say?”

Jinki freezes in place, realizing what he had let slip out. All he could do was to stare back at his mother, trying to recognize the look she had in her eyes. It was difficult to make out if she was concerned, or angry, or shocked… Probably all the above.

She sighs, reaching out for Jinki’s hand. “Are you sure?”

He stares back at her blankly, not knowing how to respond, scared out of his mind.

“It’s okay,” she says, soothingly, clasping his hand in hers. “It’s okay, Jinki… To tell you the truth, I’ve been wondering about that for a while... I’m not mad.”

“R-Really?” he asks, surprised.

“Sweetheart… How many times have you been in this room? Not once has any of us caught you even glancing at the women here. It’s really strange for a teenage boy to not be curious at the very least. We’re all half-naked, for goodness’ sake.”

“Well, I respect you guys,” Jinki says, his eyes shifting nervously from the floor to the ceiling.

“C’mon, Honey, we didn’t raise you that well,” she jokes. “Lighten up. It’s okay. As long as you find someone who loves you and can take care of you, then it’s all the same to me.”

Jinki couldn’t help the tears in his eyes as he leaned in to claim a hug from her. It had been a while since she said anything remotely motherly to him, and he was so grateful that she chose this moment to do so. He missed her being this way… Sober, present, attentive, caring… He missed his Eomma so damn much.

“I love you, Eomma,” he says. “Thank you…”

“I love you too,” she says, stroking his hair as she did when he was a young child. “I love you very much. Now, what’s his name?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya~~ 
> 
> I'm so sorry about the wait for this! As I said in my update for Fearless, I've been so busy with life the past few months, and only finally had time to do this now... Thank you so much for your patience! 
> 
> BTW, I expressed my desire to look for an editor but I did realize that the work would be too much for one person with all the stories I have. So I decided on getting some beta readers for each story (God knows I need help with all the grammar, spelling and continuity errors I make) so drop me a line if you're interested! 
> 
> Hope you are having a happy new year so far and I hope to make more updates to this very soon!


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